“You know, it feels like forever ago I was doing this exact same thing with my niece Lexi,” I say and finish buttoning her sleeper back up. “She’s much older now. Almost eleven, to be exact. But man oh man, she’s something special. Crazy smart. Hilarious. Lexi is one of my favorite people in the world. You’d love her.” I lift Izzy into my arms and cuddle her close to my chest.
A few more cries leave her little lungs, but eventually, she settles down and appears content with just staring at me, her blue eyes looking almost too big for her face as she tries to understand the world around her.
“Don’t worry, Busy Izzy, you’re something special too. I know we’ve only known each other for a very short time, but trust me, you are.”
I stare down at her and take in all the little details that make up this tiny human being. The way her nose has a little rounded curve at the end. The way her lips are so full and so adorably pink. And the way her little brow furrows in the center and the hint of a dimple appears in her cheek.
Just like Maria’s.
My mind drifts to the almost-kiss in the kitchen.
Fuck me. How did that happen?
It was like one minute she was hugging me, and the next she was staring up at me with those pretty brown eyes of hers, and a rush of feelings I haven’t had since I was a rowdy teenage boy consumed me. Between one breath and the next, I’d thought of a hundred different ways to kiss her, touch her, lick her,fuckher.
And if it weren’t for Izzy belting out her need for a bottle, I don’t know what would’ve happened.
“You have some seriously interesting timing, little lady,” I tell her and sit down in the rocker beside her crib.
I honestly don’t know what would’ve happened if we hadn’t been interrupted.
It goes without saying that I still care about Maria, but I don’t think you ever stop caring about the first person you fell in love with. And young Remy Winslow was obsessed with Maria Baros. Consumed by her.In love with her.At one point in my life, she was everything to me.
All of that mixed in with the now makes it hard to distinguish my current feelings.
“Izzy girl, sometimes in life, things don’t turn out how you expect.”
She just blinks her big eyes at me.
“It’s not necessarily a good thing or a bad thing, though, just…the reality of life.”
I reach out to caress my thumb over the soft skin of her cheek, and she reaches up with her tiny hand to wrap her fingers around mine.
“Damn, you’re cute, you know that?” I grin at her, and she starts to suck on her bottom lip. “And probably hungry too, huh?”
I stand up from the rocker and hold Izzy secure in my arms as I toss her dirty diaper in the diaper pail. “Now, before we go out into the kitchen to grab your bottle, you have to make me a promise, okay? We need to stay as quiet as possible so your mom can keep sleeping. No offense, but you’ve been a bit of a handful lately.”
Izzy wiggles her little legs.
“Do we have a deal?”
When she just stares up at me, I take that as her silent agreement and head out of the nursery and toward the kitchen to make Izzy a bottle.
And as I pass by the couch, I’m elated to see Maria is still sound asleep.
“Looks like we’re about to have a sleepover tonight, Izzy,” I whisper to her as I step into the kitchen. “Surely as long as I keep the bottles coming, you won’t mind, right?”
When her tiny butt lets out a loud fart against my hand, I take that as her approval.
My phone buzzes in my pocket as I prep Izzy’s bottle, and I take a quick glance at the screen to see more messages from my brothers.A lotmore messages, in fact.
I decide it’ll be best for them—andespeciallyfor me—to put them out of their nosy-as-hell misery. With my free hand, I type out a quick text.
Me: Listen, you crazy fuckers, I’m a little busy tonight, but I’ll give you the scoop soon.
Just like with my sister and my mom, at one point, Maria was a big part of their lives too. They deserve to know the truth. Deserve to know the circumstances surrounding Maria’s life. Deserve to know that two people who were a part of their youth are no longer with us.
Jude: Fucking finally!