Page 552 of The Winslow Brothers

Me: What’s this shit I hear about DILF of the Year?

Thatch: You’re winning, dude! Complete underdog situation if you ask me, considering you haven’t even signed any adoption papers yet!

Me: I would like to rescind my entry.

Thatch: Sorry, darling. Once the contest begins, you can’t pull out.

Me: But I never fucking entered the contest in the first place.

Thatch: Unfortunately, the rules of the contest are set in stone, and just between us, the dude who runs it is a real stickler about them.

Me: BUT IT’S YOU.

Thatch: Like I said, rules are rules.

Me: I forfeit.

Thatch: Uh-oh. Trouble in Full House paradise? Tell me you’re not done with the hot single mom already?

Me: There’s no trouble. I just don’t want to be a clown in your circus.

Thatch: Wait…what do you mean by clown? If you tell me you’re dressing up as a clown for your baby, I’ve underestimated you.

Me: I swear, sometimes I feel like I’m on drugs talking to you.

Knowing full well this conversation is heading nowhere fast, I lock the screen of my phone on an exasperated sigh and set it on the kitchen table beside my plate.

Maria looks over at me, her pretty brown eyes searching mine. “Everything okay over there?”

“Just talking to a lunatic,” I mutter, but when she tilts her head to the side, I elaborate a little more. “Thatcher Kelly.”

Instantly, her eyes stretch with understanding, but also, the hint of a smile follows. She doesn’t even need to respond. Doesn’t even need to acknowledge that she knows who I’m talking about.

Last week, she had the pleasure of meeting Thatch while we were dropping Lexi off at Wes and Winnie’s. It was a brief introduction, but it doesn’t take much for a guy like that to leave an impression.

I nod at her, my eyes saying,You have no idea.

“Are you guys having, like, telepathic sex or something?” Lexi asks so suddenly and matter-of-factly that it catches both Maria and me off guard. We spiral into a simultaneous coughing and choking fit, and I start slapping at Maria’s back swiftly. She then does the same for me as I try to catch my breath.

“What on earth? Telepathic sex?” I ask when I can finally speak. “Where did you even hear about that?”

“Online.”

“Maybe I should text your mom to update your protection settings,” I mutter under my breath.

Lexi is unfazed. “This fortune lady Cleo says that two people whose chakras are aligned can have telepathic sex.”

All of a sudden, I’m choking again, this time for more than just the fact that I had to hear my niece repeat the word sex. “I’m sorry, what did you say? Who says that?”

“Cleo. She has a huge online blog about parallel dimensions and fate signals.”

Cleo?

Suddenly, my head feels like it’s a fucking top and is seconds away from spinning off my damn neck as Lexi prattles on.

“One of the main things she does is channel love chakras. She says love is a lava flow just waiting to overtake all of us. But it’s not about finding it, it’s about being ready for it. Oftentimes, it’s been right in front of us all along.”

I feel sweat bead on my forehead as I become paranoid that Cleo is somehow sending me messages without using the phone now, channeling the power of my extraordinary niece instead, just to send me her vague shit about love.

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