Page 89 of The Misfit

“What if …” Her voice cracks. “What if I’m never normal again?”

“Salem.” I lift her gloved hand to my heart, letting her feel it race. “Normal is bullshit. This is real. Everything else is just counting time until we’re together.”

TWENTY-ONE

salem

The morning sunstreams through the coffee shop windows, warming my usual corner table. For once, I don’t feel the need to count every beam of light, sugar packet, or person who walks by. Well, maybe I count a little, but it’s progress.

My phone buzzes with Lee’s third text in the last twenty minutes.

Lee:You sure you’re okay?

Lee:I can be there in ten minutes.

Lee:Five if I break speed limits.

I smile, adjusting my gloves before typing back.

Me:I’m fine. Go to class. Some of us need to graduate.

Me:Besides, I counted all the ceiling tiles yesterday. Still forty-three.

His response is immediate.

Lee:Forty-four if you count the half tile by the window.

Lee:Which I know you do.

Warmth that has nothing to do with tea spreads through my chest. He knows my patterns now, knows them so well, and he catches things that I miss sometimes. But today isn’t about patterns or counting or measuring space.

Today is about independence.

My gloved fingers wrap around the cup, and I take a moment to appreciate how far I’ve come. Three months ago, I couldn’t sit in public without counting and assessing every possible threat. Now, I can almost relax. It almost feels normal.

Lee:Sure you don’t want company?

Lee:I hate the idea of you alone.

Lee:What if someone touches you?

Lee:What if you need backup counting?

I type out a quick response while smiling.

Me:Lee Sterling, are you mother-henning me?

His response makes me laugh out loud.

Lee:No.

Lee:Maybe.

Lee:Okay, yes.

Lee:But only because I love watching you count sugar packets.

The L-word hangs there, casual and terrifying all at once. We haven’t said it yet, not really. Haven’t put that label on whatever this is between us. It’s there in the way he counts with me, the way he remembers my patterns, the way he makes me feel safe without making me feel broken.

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