Page 46 of The Misfit

My knuckles stingas I run them under the cold water. The blood swirls down the drain, taking with it all my anger and hostility, leaving behind a cold ache that’s bone-deep.

One, two, three, rinse.I count just like she would.

Salem.She has my emotions all fucked up. Balled up into this tight little box. I look up and catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror just as the bathroom light flickers overhead. Of course it makes the bruising look far worse than it probably is.

“Violence doesn’t solve anything, Lee.”

I can hear the drop in Salem’s voice in my ears and see her slumped shoulders and frown as if she’s standing right in front of me. Disappointed but not scared, even with blood on my hands. I should’ve known I’d ruin our first official date. I’m a disaster wrapped in a bow.

At least she didn’t rub it in my face.

Didn’t tell me what a disgrace I was. Didn’t lecture me about how I made her look, us look. She’d let me hold her through her panic attack afterward, her gloved fingers gripping my shirt while I counted breaths with her.

One inhale.

Two exhale.

Three seconds of quiet.

“You didn’t have to fight him,” she whispered against my chest.

I did. The second I saw those hands on her waist, I snapped. Not in the usual way. No, this was different, with a violence that simmered under my skin. More primal.

Mine.

The word echoes in my head as I dry my hands. Three paper towels, just like she would use. Fuck, when did I start adopting her habits? More importantly, when did I stop minding? It doesn’t matter. My thoughts shift to when I dropped her off at home. The way Noah stood like a bulldog on the porch, his arms crossed over his chest, his features mostly blanketed in the dark.

The quiet“thank you”that slipped from Salem’s lips before she ran inside.

I sat in my Jeep counting her steps—one, two, three, four, all the way to twenty-seven. I waited until she was safely tucked inside before pulling away from the curb.

“Fuck,” I mutter to myself. The guy in the mirror looks wrecked—hair wild from Salem’s fingers running through it while we danced, a busted lip, and eyes a little wild from too much vodka and not enough control. I’ve been with women before. Not many and never seriously—always preferring men for anything beyond basic experimentation. If only to punish my family for their bigotry. Salem, though … she’s different. I’ve never been so drawn to a woman before. Never wanted to simultaneously protect and possess someone like this.

The Mill is quiet tonight, as it typically is. Summer is here, classes are mostly done, and everyone is enjoying their time away from school, hanging out with friends and family and getting ready for the next chapter of their life.Not me.I’ve come to enjoy the quiet, and I made peace with being alone. I’m used to it now.

Drew’s got Bel, and Seb has Elyse and a fucking baby that will be here any day now. All my friends, minus Aries, are maturing, finding their soulmates, and living happily ever after.

My phone buzzes.

Salem:Did you ice your hand?

Salem:Three times, ten minutes each.

Me:Yes, Dr. Salem. *insert saluting emoji*

Salem:I’m serious.

Me:I know. I’m counting the minutes.

Salem:Good, you better be or you’re getting a spanking next time.

This strange warmth unfurls in my chest.

She’s worried about me. Counting for me. Thinking about me.

My lips twist up into a smile. I’mso fucked. We just startedfake dating,but that’s the last thing I wantusto be. I’ve spent my entire life pretending, and for once, I don’t want to do that anymore. With Salem, I don’t have to pretend.

Except that’s exactly what we’re doing—pretending.

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