Page 75 of Fitch

I shrugged. “Maybe. It’s hard enough to support and encourage him without feeling as if I’m encroaching on territory I’m not entitled to tread.”

He frowned at that. “Explain why you feel you’re not entitled to help him.”

Christ. Talking to fellow lawyers was never easy.

“Because...” There was no easy way to say this. “Because of his work, because of mine. He has nothing. I have more than enough for both of us. But I can’t just come in and save him. He doesn’t even need saving. He’s more than capable; he went from being homeless at eighteen to earning enough money to pay for housing and utilities on his own. That’s commendable.”

“It is,” he agreed.

“And while I want to give him the world, I don’t want him to think that I think he’s not capable. I said this morning that I’d help him with whatever he needs to plan for his future and he went all quiet on me. I just wanted to encourage him and guide him, but I think he took it as if I didn’t think he was capable and that what he’s doing now isn’t enough.”

“I had a similar conversation with Benji,” Nolan said.

My eyes met his. “You did?”

He nodded. “Yep. And it pretty much went the same way.”

Fuck.

I took a deep breath in. “I don’t want him to continue working,” I admitted quietly. “For purely selfish reasons. The idea of another man touching him makes me so angry I can’t think straight. But I have to accept it, and that’s something I need to work on. I can’tmakehim stop. He still needs money for rent and food, above what I pay him.”

Nolan’s smile turned wry. “Also hadthatconversation with Benji.”

“And?”

“He’s stopped for now. He doesn’t need to work. He has access to his old bank account. He’s got more money now than he’s seen in years, but he’s... unsure. He doesn’t know what the future holds. Especially with the court case pending. But before he got access to his money, I told him the same thing. I couldn’t make him stop working. As much as I wished I could.”

I sighed. “I could demand he stops. Beg him, even. Get him a job somewhere else. He’s smart, he could work just about anywhere. But then I’d be telling him his work now is a bad thing.” I ran my hand through my hair. “And I’d be a fucking hypocrite, because I’m paying him for his... services.”

Nolan nodded slowly. “I guess all we can do is give them support, and maybe when they feel safe and protected, they’ll see they have options.” He shrugged and let out a sigh. “Or we just go with whatever the flow is. I don’t even know. They’re in their early twenties, young and wild, and we’re... well, we’re older than that.”

I almost smiled. “All we can do is be what they need, right?”

“Yep. We carry the responsibility of their well-being. That’s our role, and that’s the whole problem,” he said. “As Fitch’s daddy—and I’m only calling you that because it’s written on his shirt?—”

I smiled.

He kept talking. “We’re torn between encouraging them to be themselves but also wanting to tell them exactly what to do because we know what’s best for them.”

That was true.

And it wasn’t lost on me that he’d saidwe. He was including himself in the daddy part of the equation.

“Isn’t it the job of a good daddy to be both?” I asked. “Is that what we’re supposed to do? To be?”

“Knowing when to concede or when to put your foot down?” he asked with a smile. “Fucked if I know, man. You’re more into the daddy role than me. Maybe you should speak to Leon and Marek about the finer points, the proper guidelines.”

I sighed again. He was right. Everything he was saying was right—the roles, the hardships, knowing what to do.

“I think I’m in over my head.”

“No you’re not,” he said, clapping my arm. “Because you’re worried and cautious, and your only concerns are for him. Not one thing you’ve said is about yourself. That tells me you’re doing just fine and that Fitch is in good hands.”

I met his eyes then. “Thanks.”

We were quiet again for a moment. “So what’s with you and Benji? You said you’re not into the full-on daddy role, but you saidweas if you include yourself in that.”

He made a seesaw motion with his hand. “Kind of. Not hardcore. Not even really at all. I’m just older than him and want to make him feel safe and loved.” He shrugged. “I’ve always liked twinks and younger men, as you know.”

---