Page 88 of Dirty Pucker

“Oh are you hanging out with Maya? She’s always so sweet about bringing over your favorites when you’re not feeling well,” her mom asks.

“Um, no. I’m with someone else.” She bites back a shy smile as she looks at me. “His name is Del.”

Her mom’s eyes go wide. She beams. “Darling! Why didn’t you say you were on a date?”

Ingrid lets out an embarrassed laugh and covers her face with her free hand. “Oh my god, Mom.”

“Is he with you? Can I say hello?” her mom asks in an eager tone.

Ingrid’s face is red when she drops her hand from her face. “Mom, seriously?”

“I’m good to say hi, if you are,” I say to Ingrid.

Her brow lifts. “Really?”

I nod. Flustered smile on her face, she sighs and turns the phone to me.

“Hello, Mrs. Thompson.” I smile.

“Hello there, Del.” She’s beaming. “What a gentleman to call me Mrs. Thompson. What lovely manners you have.”

I chuckle. “My mom taught me well. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s lovely to meet you too. And listen, call me Amy. No need to say ‘missus’ now that we’re past formalities. It reminds me of how old I’m getting.”

“Well, you certainly don’t look old. You could pass for Ingrid’s older sister.”

Amy rests a hand on her chest as she laughs. “Oh you’re a gentlemananda charmer, Del.”

Ingrid smiles and rolls her eyes before scooting closer to me to talk to her mom. “He really is,” Ingrid says. “He’s the one who brought me snacks and takeout. And tampons.”

Her mom gasps. She shakes her head, like she’s in disbelief. “Darling, you’ve got a good one. Del, I already adore you.”

“You’re very kind. Thank you.”

“Jeffery!” Amy hollers to someone off-screen. “We’ve been married thirty years and you haven’t once offered to run to the store and buy me tampons.”

In the distance, I hear a male voice say, “huh?”

“Why have you never offered to buy me tampons?”

There’s a long pause before the distant male voice says, “Well, um, you never asked. But I’d be happy to, honey.”

“It’s a little too late now.” She turns back to look at me and Ingrid. “Menopause.”

Ingrid’s cheeks turn beet red. “Okay, Mom. We’re gonna go. Love you. Have fun at the fundraiser.”

“Love you too, darling! Bye, Del!”

I tell her bye. Ingrid hangs up and I burst out laughing.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. That was so embarrassing.”

“Don’t be sorry. Your mom’s hilarious. And really sweet,” I say when I catch my breath.

Ingrid shakes her head, clearly still flustered. “She’s great, but sometimes she has no filter.” Ingrid looks at me, a tender smile on her face. “She liked you though, you charmer.”

She tosses her phone onto the other side of the couch. “This isn’t how I planned for this night to go.” Her eyes are shy as she looks at me, like she’s embarrassed.

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