Page 103 of Dirty Pucker

“My mom’s been through the worst of it. She met my dad when she was really young. Like, barely nineteen. He was ten years older than her. It wasn’t long before she got pregnant with me…” I trail off, feeling the slightest bit unnerved at all that I’ve said.

The only person who knows the full story about my dad and how he treated us is Sam, my closest friend. Most of the women I’ve dated, I haven’t even mentioned my dad. My most recent ex, Makenna, knew about him, but I glossed over the worst of it. I didn’t want anyone I was dating to know that I came from such a messed-up background. I was too embarrassed, too ashamed.

But with Ingrid, it’s different. I know she won’t judge me. I know she won’t think any less of me, no matter what I say.

“What do you need from me right now?” she asks, holding my gaze.

My heart thuds in my chest as I look at Ingrid. My entire body is tense and tight from the stress of the past couple of hours. The only thing that calms me, the only thing that makes me feel even a little better is holding Ingrid.

I push aside our plates of food, grab Ingrid by the waist, and set her on top of the kitchen island in front of me. Then I stand up and hook my hands under her legs. She instantly wraps her legs around my waist and cups her hands on my cheeks.

I grip her waist. “I just need you.”

She slinks her arms around my neck and holds me tight. Closing my eyes, I rest my head against her shoulder. My muscles instantly loosen. My body starts to relax.

It feels so, so good being in her arms.

After a while, she leans back and looks at me, her gaze soft and caring. Waiting for me patiently to say more, when I’m ready.

“My parents got married pretty quickly after getting pregnant with me,” I say. “And I guess it wasn’t long after that when my dad started showing his true colors.”

Ingrid’s expression turns pained, but she stays quiet.

“He had a pretty bad drinking problem. And gambling problem. He still does, I’m guessing. He’d steal cash from my mom so he could gamble or go to the bar. He even sold our stuff a few times. I came home one day from school and most of my toys were gone. I had this Hot Wheels classic car collection that I loved to play with. Out of everything I had, they were my favorite. But he didn’t care. He sold it and took the cash to the casino.”

Pain sears through my chest at the memory.

“It’s probably stupid that I’m still so upset about losing those toys when I was a kid…”

Ingrid holds my face in her hands. “It’s not stupid. You have every right to be sad and angry. That was a horrible thing your dad did. He had no right.”

The conviction in Ingrid’s tone is the comfort I didn’t know I needed. She feels for me. She’s upset for me. And that means everything.

I explain how he never could hold down a job for very long. “My mom had to work a ton of hours, on top of taking care of my sister and me, just for us to survive.”

I pause for a second. She kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and hum, grateful for the comfort she’s giving me right now.

That rock digs deeper in my gut. “Sometimes he’d come home drunk and start an argument with her. He’d corner her while yelling at her. She’d try to get away, but he was bigger than her, so he’d grab her and slam her against the wall.”

Anger rips through me as I remember my mom crying out in pain while my dad screamed at her.

“I’d always run over and hit him or grab him to try and make him stop, but I was just a little kid. It was easy for him to toss me aside or slap me away.”

Ingrid’s blue eyes fill with tears. “Oh my god, Del. That’s horrible.” She hugs me tight.

That helpless feeling I felt so many times as a little kid collides with the anger whirring inside of me. My throat tightens. “I felt so helpless. I just wanted to protect my mom, but I couldn’t. I tried so hard, and I failed…”

Tears tumble down Ingrid’s cheeks as she looks at me.

“My mom divorced my dad when I was in middle school. He tried breaking into the house a few times after that, but eventually he disappeared. I thought we were safe. He never reached out to us. We hadn’t heard from him in over a decade. But then a few months ago he started calling my mom again and threatening her. He wanted money from their house.”

I shake my head, feeling dizzy as I think about everything that’s happened, from years ago all the way till now.

“She was so freaked out when it happened. When she called and told me about it, I knew I had to move back to Denver and be close to her, so I could protect her and Dakota.”

I grit my teeth so hard my jaw aches. “I couldn’t protect my mom when I was a kid, but I can now. I can make up for all the times I failed to keep her safe from my dad…”

I huff out a shaky breath. “I’ve never told anyone that before. I’ve told Sam about my childhood and what my family wentthrough with my dad, but I’ve never told him how guilty I feel about it all…”

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