Page 90 of Why Not Us?

She nods, her lower lip caught between her teeth, eyes shut as she meets my thrusts as best she can from her slightly awkward position. She sucks in a breath, and I have her. She lowers her head to scream against my shoulder, her pussy contracting around my cock this time, pulling my orgasm from me right after. I spill into her, unable to stop myself even if I wanted to.

We come slowly down from the high, Adalie carefully stretching her legs down until her feet touch the ground. The haze of lust starts to lift, and that’s when I realize what we’ve just done. I take a step away, shoving my dick roughly back into my pants.

“Fuck,” I mutter, turning away from Adalie, who looks so dishevelled, so obviously fucked, that I want to do it again.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

I don’t turn to look at her when I say, “I haven’t had sex without a condom since I got Katie pregnant.”

“Okay,” she says, and she sounds confused. “We’ve already talked about STIs. And you know I’m on birth control. It’ll be fine.”

But a sudden wave of fear swamps me. The thought of another situation like the one I have with Dani, where I need to say goodbye to my child every two weeks, burns me alive.

“I wasn’t thinking. You were so hot and you said all that stuff and were so determined.” I take a breath because that’s not what I want to say. “I don’t want to have anymore kids,” I say instead, but that’s not what I want to say either. I’m not even completely sure that’s true. That image I’ve been having for the past three months of the little baby with curly red hair pops into my head. I push it away. “This was so stupid. Ican’thave any more kids. Especially not with—”

“Stout,” Adalie shouts, cutting me off.

I turn, blinking. She’s standing against the tree, her clothes fixed, her hands clasped so tightly in front of her mouth that her knuckles are white. Her eyes glitter with unshed tears. “What?” I ask.

“My safe word,” she says. “I’m using it.”

“Excuse me?”

She swallows and slides her hands down her clothes before straightening her shoulders and lifting her chin. It’s a movement she hasn’t used in front of me since the first night we slept together. What have I done?

“You said I could use it, and we’d stop whatever we were doing. I want to stop you right now before you finish that sentence. I don’t want to know what you were going to say. I’ve already been hurt by enough people who I love. I don’t want you to become another.”

I’d been about to say I can’t have more kids with someone without a commitment, without a plan. We haven’t even told Dani about us yet. I already hate the weeks when she’s with her mom. Katie is an amazing mother, and Dani is lucky to have her. But selfishly, I want my daughter with me all the time. I can’t have another situation like the one I’m in.

I’ve fucked it all up, just like I always do. I want to tell her I’m sorry, that we can fix this. ThatIwill fix this.

But she used her safe word. It’s the only time she’s ever used it in the five months we’ve known each other. She hadn’t used it when she’d been too scared to jump off the bridge, but she used it now because of my reaction. And I’d made her feel like she needs to be brave. In a matter of a few words from me, she’d gone from trusting me completely to feeling like she can’t trust me at all.

She walks toward me, hands clenched into fists, head high as she meets my gaze, and I’m strongly reminded of the night we’d attempted to have dinner with her family.

“We had sex, Nate. Together. This wasn’t a one-person-did-something-wrong situation. In fact, I’m not sure anyone did anything wrong here. So I’m going to go now. Before you say something you can’t take back.”

She starts to walk away and panic claws at me. She’s going to leave me. I have to stop her. If she leaves, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get her back. I call out to her, and she turns. When she does, I see the first tear has slipped down her cheek.

Idid that. I hurt her. Do I even deserve to get her back?

“We came here together. I need to give you a ride home.”

“No, Nate,” she says, shaking her head. “I don’t need anything from you right now.”

Chapter 28

Adalie

Ileave our spot, tears filling my eyes. I manage not to let many fall until I’m far enough away that he won’t see. Then I take out my phone and call Spencer.

“Hey, Adalie. You’re on speakerphone. We’re gonna stop in Squamish for something to eat if you guys want to join us.”

“Can you come back?” I ask, proud that my voice doesn’t waver when I ask. I can’t figure out how long they might have been driving. Has it been half an hour? An hour? But I don’t hesitate to ask because I know they’ll do anything for me if I need it.

“Of course we can,” Spencer says. “Is everything okay?”

“Not really. Nate and I had a fight. I don’t want to ride home with him.”

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