Page 80 of Bravo

“Live when they’re out there doing what they do? I’m going crazy, and I barely know Bradyn. I can’t imagine what it must be like as his mother.”

Ruth smiles softly. “My sons go out into the world and bring hope to the hopeless. They spread the love of Jesus by serving others at their most vulnerable moments. When all feels lost.”

“And that helps you sleep at night?”

“No.” She laughs. “But it makes the sleepless nights worth it.”

“My mother had faith like yours,” I tell her. “This never-ending well of it. She was always there for anyone who needed her. Including Olivia. Anytime she’d needed help, my mother was there, aiding her just the same as she would have done for me.”

“She sounds like a wonderful woman.”

“She was.” It feels so good to get to talk about her. To tell stories and stop pretending as though she never existed. It’s a special kind of pain when you not only lose someone but also don’t have the freedom to talk about them. Anytime a memory pops up and you have to beat it back down, it feels like another part of them dies all over again.

“I’m truly sorry for what happened.”

“I want to have her faith. To share that with her, but I’m so angry all the time. So mad at Him for everything that has happened. And I don’t know how to let it go.”

“‘I’m worn out waiting for Your rescue, but I have put my hope in Your word. My eyes are straining to see Your promises come true. When will You comfort me?’”

“What is that?”

“Psalm 119,” she replies. “It’s one I clung to after I lost my fifth child during my first trimester.”

Pain for the woman sitting before me tightens like a vice around my heart. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you,” she replies. “I remember lying there, furious. Why would He bring me such light only to rob me of it?”

“How did you move forward? How did you forgive Him?”

“Because His promises were greater than my grief. I know that, even though I will suffer, and have suffered, in this life, there is an eternity of peace awaiting me. It was when I fully turned to Him in those moments of pain that I felt His hand on my heart. His love surrounded me and reminded me that there were still blessings in my life. About six months later, we found Lani. Tommy found her wandering the road in nothing but a diaper.” Her eyes fill. “She was badly dehydrated and exhausted from walking the two miles from where she was abandoned.”

“That’s horrible.” Disgust churns my stomach. Who would abandon their child? What monster would do such a thing?

“It was.” Ruth’s eyes harden with anger I haven’t ever seen from her before. “He drove her straight to the hospital, and as soon as we discovered she’d been abandoned, I filed paperwork so we would be considered for adoption. This little girl needed us. She needed a home, and God brought her to us. I could feel it.”

“And the rest is history.”

“The rest is history.” She smiles. “It was painful to lose my child. But He brought me Lani, and I love that girl as though she’s my own flesh and blood.”

I reach over and touch her hand. “You remind me a lot of my mom.”

“I consider that quite an honor.”

The door opens, and my heart jumps, half expecting to see Bradyn. Instead, the woman we were just talking aboutsteps into the house with a duffel bag. “I have arrived,” Lani announces and shuts the door.

“Thank you for coming.” Ruth gets to her feet and crosses the living room to pull Lani into her arms.

“Elliot didn’t give me much choice. He also didn’t explain to me why I have to be here instead of my apartment.”

I can’t help the wave of guilt that crushes down on me. Ruth glances back with an understanding smile.

“I’m afraid that’s my fault,” I tell her, unsure what else to say. How do you tell someone that you brought war to their doorstep?

“Well, you can tell me all about it after I’ve gotten myself nice and settled in Bradyn’s second guest room. Come on, Bravo, you can escort me.” She pats her hand on her leg, and the dog who’s spent every moment we’ve been here staring at the door, waiting for his dad to walk through, follows her.

Even though the idea of having her so close to me if things go badly is a terrifying one, I’m grateful she’s staying here. Having a friend close by, if we’re still friends once I’ve told her everything, will be nice.

That, and she’ll make an excellent buffer for these feelings I’m carrying for her older brother. Feelings that have only gotten stronger in the hours he’s been away.

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