Page 66 of Perilous Healing

“I’m angry about what happened to my team. They were good men. Men who had families and futures. They should have grown to be old men watching their grandchildren play in the yard.” He falls silent a moment, but since I sense he’s not done, I don’t say anything. “And my sister, what sense is it that she died? She had a little girl to take care of, she’d just gotten her dream job, bought her first house, and then she was gone, just like that.” He snaps his fingers.

“I wish I had an answer for you. For all of it.”

“You’ve suffered. Lost your mother. How can you have such faith when faced with so much pain?”

I consider his question because I know that my answer carries a weight even I can’t fully comprehend. “Because I know that there will come a time when pain will be no more. When God will wipe the tears from our eyes and grant us more peace and comfort than we can even imagine. I know that even though we suffer here, He won’t leave us in it. Even if we can’t see the end of the tunnel, it’s there.”

“How can you cling to your faith like that? How do you know?”

I consider his question, trying to come up with an answer that will make sense to him. “Truthfully, it’s a feeling. I don’t know how else to put it into words. I justfeelthe promise. The peace in knowing God’s Word to be fact.”

“I still only see words on paper.”

“I was like that, too, you know,” I tell him. “I actually started out reading a Bible on my tablet because I couldn’t understand how Lance had such faith. How he brought Eliza into it and helped Michael, Elijah, and Jaxson with theirs. It didn’t make sense to me.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t tell anyone I was reading it because I was embarrassed that I didn’t feel the same connection everyone else did. But after I learned that River was after me, that my old life was haunting me all over again, I found myself standing outside the church because Ifeltlike it’s where I was supposed to go. A voice in my head telling me that it’s okay. That even if I’m not a Sunday morning girl, I was still welcome.”

“Did you go in?”

“Not alone. Pastor Redding was on his way out. He asked me to come inside, and even though I wanted to walk away, I couldn’t ignore the feeling in my chest, a weight that told me to take another step forward, so I did.”

“So Pastor Redding taught you to believe.”

“Pastor Redding offered me a place to rest. A place to lay the pain, stress, and heaviness of life. Somewhere I didn’t have to be strong. I could just be the daughter of a King. The daughter of a God who, even as society screams otherwise, chose me even before He knit me together in my mother’s womb.” I think back to Psalm 139. About the peace I found when I read it.

“And it was that easy.”

I snort. “There’s nothing easy about it,” I tell him. “It feels like the second I started really believing and actively seeking my relationship with Him, the world came crumbling down around me even more so than it already was.”

“How do you explain that then?” Silas asks as he gets to his feet and begins to pace. “Why would God punish you for believing in Him?”

“He’s not punishing me,” I reply. “It’s not Him causing my pain. And while it took me a bit to see that, I understand it now. In those moments, when everything feels like it’s smothering me and the weight of the world is crushing, I turn to God. I ask Him for strength, for hope.”

“Does He deliver?”

“Yes.”

“We’re still here.”

“But look at what we can accomplish.” I get to my feet as well and move toward the bars where Silas stands. “The people we can help. The peace we can bring them.” Hope spreads through me like wildfire, igniting me with purpose. I reach forward and touch his forearm through the bars. “Silas, we can save these people. We can bring them God. Freedom. Hope. Peace. Security.”

Silas stares back at me, his expression unreadable. He could think I’m insane, and while that would suck, I’m fully prepared for it because I found a reason in my pain. A chance to fight for good in the middle of this nightmare.

Silas steps closer to the bars and stares down at me, his eyes full of emotion. He reaches up and brushes strong fingers over my cheek. I shiver at the touch, at the tenderness. “I don’t know how I feel about God,” he admits softly. “But I’m glad you’ve found peace, Bianca. I truly am.”

“Open your heart, Silas, and you can find peace, too.”

He smiles. “I’m learning that anything is possible.” He drops his hand and returns to his cot.

I do the same, lying back and staring up at the ceiling.

Silas reaches through the bars and takes my hand, linking his fingers with mine as we lie side-by-side, separated by iron and four inches of space.

“No matter what, I promise you that I’ll help you free these people,” he says. “Even if it means neither of us leave this place, I can die knowing I tried to make a difference. I think Eloise could be proud of that.”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, clinging to his hand like a tether.

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