Page 19 of Perilous Healing

It’s a fair question, and one I can’t blame Michael for asking. Everyone he loves lives here in Hope Springs. His wife, parents, sister, nephew, friends—they all reside in this town. If anyone were to threaten these people I care about, I would fight to the death for them.

It makes me despise myself a bit more. And I didn’t think that was possible.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat. “Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

Michael sighs. “The danger isn’t the problem. We’ve all faced down our fair share of enemies. It’s the hidden truths I have a problem with.”

“Same,” Elijah adds.

Lance remains quiet. I’m not sure how, but his silence is even more deafening than Michael’s harsh words.

“Lance, if you want me gone, just say the word. I’ll go.”

His gaze flicks from me to Silas, then back to me. “No. You’re our family now, Bianca. And you’ve saved our lives before. Now it’s our turn. But we need complete honesty from here on out. No more secrets.”

No more secrets.“I carry so many of those, I’m not even sure where to start unraveling them,” I reply truthfully.

Lance nods in understanding. “Start with any known names of those who may be on your uncle’s payroll.”

By the timeI’ve finished listing out the names of everyone I remember from my father’s organization, I’m beyond exhausted. Silas and Michael left shortly after I started listing names, leaving Lance to take notes and Elijah to work on running backgrounds.

They were still working when I left, and even though I would love a hot shower and to crawl into bed, going home to a massive hole in the roof of my house is far too depressing for me.

I tell myself that’s why I’m standing outside the church just past nightfall.

But even I know it’s another lie. The truth is, after a day of ripping open old wounds, I’m desperate for answers. And I’m not sure I can get them anywhere else.

In fact, IknowI can’t get them anywhere else.

The front door opens and Pastor Redding steps out. He starts to lock up behind him, then seems shocked when he catches sight of me standing on the front steps. “Bianca, this is a great surprise.”

“How do you know?”

He shoves his keys back into his pocket. “How do I know what?”

“That God is up there. That He’s listening? That He cares? How do you know any of that is the truth?” My chest is heavy, the questions suffocating me.

Pastor Redding smiles softly at me and opens the door, then gestures for me to step inside. “Come on in, child, let’s talk.”

I should walk away. Leave him here in the church and head home. But I can’t ignore the feeling in my chest that tells me to take a step forward. Then another, and another, until I’m walking into the sanctuary.

Straight ahead is a cross. And the moment my gaze lands on it, the tears spill from my eyes as exhaustion nearly takes me to my knees. “I’m so tired,” I tell him. “I’m so tired of all of it.”

“Then come and find rest.” He wraps an arm around my shoulders and guides me toward a pew in the back where we both sit.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper between the tears. “It’s all just so heavy. Life. Pain. Why is living so hard?”

“Don’t apologize,” he replies. “Not to me. Take all the time you need.”

“All my life I was told I was strong. My mother told me that all growing up. That I was stronger than I ever knew. That I could carry anything if only I put my faith where it belongs. She was a believer, yet she married a monster.”

“Sometimes people make bad decisions,” Pastor Redding replies.

“She had to have known who he was before she married him. And then he—” I close my eyes. “My father was a terrible man, Pastor. He did awful things, and I was so blinded by the money he had, by the material possessions he granted me, that I didn’t even bother to try and see through it.”

“But you see through it now.”

“I’ve seen it for a long time,” I admit. I turn to him, tears still blurring my vision. “I’ve been reading a Bible on my tablet. Searching for answers. But I don’t feel Him. Why can’t I feel God?”

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