Page 177 of Vicious Addictions

It will always bleed for you…forever.

December 7th Kent, England.

The day I feared has arrived.

My father wants me to come home.

I long for my family.

I long for Chicago.

But Mina is my true home.

When Victor asked me if I’d consider staying on and initiating for The Firm, with the possible offer of marriage, I all but sank to my knees to thank God himself for opening a window when all the doors to my happiness had been previously locked.

But as I sat on his couch and considered the matter further, I realized how selfish I was to even consider such a thing.

Victor’s offer came with one big unfavorable variable to it.

Because by naming me his heir, I’d be stealing Mina’s birthright.

What good would it do me to marry the only woman I will ever love if she ends up hating me in the end?

No. I couldn’t do that to her.

Not when she’s worked so hard to prove to everyone that she is more than capable of leading the Firm.

But to my dismay, my girl heard every word that was said in her father’s home office.

And she jumped to the wrong conclusion and ultimately gave me an ultimatum.

If I left her now, then I could never return.

She thinks I’m leaving for power.

When, in fact, I’m leaving for her.

I could never be responsible for stealing her birthright.

I’d rather she hate me forever than to ever do that.

Tears stream down my cheeks with every word he has written down.

Remus and Rolo remain silent throughout the entire flight home, only approaching to hand me water to keep me hydrated and tissues to wipe my tears away. Even when the stewardess came out with food, and I made a face, unable to fathom eating while feeling this raw, they quietly shooed her away.

If reading about the past hurt, reading about the years we spent apart from his point of view nearly killed me.

He’s suffered like I suffered.

His misery was my misery.

His pain, mine.

After spending the last eight hours reading the majority of Jude’s journals, I’ve realized two things.

The first one being that Jude’s journals aren’t journals at all.

They’re love letters.

---