Page 125 of Deviant

Yes… I remember.

I remember how David, Big Mike, Mackenzie, and even Ruby, were disappointed that he didn’t snap his neck or drown in that lake. I remember how reckless he’d been to jump off a waterfall that high. I remember how close I came to being killedby some stranger inThe Scourgeinstead of it being by Elias’s own hand.

But most of all, I remember that crippling feeling when I thought I lost him.

I couldn’t bear it if that ever came to pass.

“Hey? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” is my clipped reply as I get up and ransack my bag for some wipes to clean myself off.

But just as I’m about to wipe his cum off my body, Elias grabs hold of my arm and stops me.

“Leave it.”

“But—”

“I said… leave it.”

Since I’m already on the verge of tears with the thought of losing him, I don’t put up a fight and do as he commands. I begin to get dressed, uncaring that his cum is seeping through my pores, while doing my best not to look him in the eye. He must take my silence for defiance, or worse, disgust, because he starts to get dressed at record speed. Before I’ve even put on my boots, he’s already storming out of the tent, not bothering to say another word to me.

Damn it.

I know I’ll have to explain why I turned so cold all of a sudden, but I doubt he’d be open to such a frank conversation. I saw how his body stiffened when I hugged him last night. It was just too much intimacy for him to handle. If I told him that the thought of losing him… just the mere idea that he might die, scares me more than my own death… let’s just say that Elias wouldn’t take it all that well. He’d probably end up walking away and leaving me talking to myself, just like he did this time.

But can I really blame him for being this way?

The women he loved most… the ones he was most vulnerable with… all died. It will take a special kind of woman to crack hisblack heart open again, and make him feel safe enough to allow such strong feelings in.

I am not that woman.

I can’t be.

Not when my days on this earth are closely coming to an end.

Still… how self-centered and selfish am I, that just the thought of this faceless woman has me mad with jealousy?

Elias deserves better.

He deserves so much better than me.

When I’m finally composed enough to step outside, everyone is sitting around the campfire, eating their porridge and drinking their cups of coffee, Elias included.

“Can I have some of that?” I ask Ruby since she’s the one in charge of making breakfast today.

“Sure thing.” She throws a fake smile at me and instead of placing the porridge inside my bowl, she purposely drops it to the ground. “Oops, how clumsy of me? Shame since it looks like I didn’t make enough for everyone, so you’ll have to go without. Or if you’re really hungry, you can always pick that up.”

Yep, survey is in. Ruby definitely hates me.

“Do you have a problem with me? Did I offend you in any way?” I ask softly, needing to get to the bottom of her animosity toward me.

“God, you’re so… so… ugh! Your whole face offends me, how about that?!!” she barks out, dropping the ladle to the ground before turning her back on me and storming off.

“What is her deal?” I mumble under my breath, but Chris is close enough that he overhears me.

“Who the fuck knows? Ruby has always been a bit of a grouch. Remember that one year when she dyed her hair green, and we started calling her Oscar the Grouch? Shit. Good times.” He laughs like he just told the most amazing joke.

I stare at Chris and wonder if his parents dropped him a few too many times on his head. He isn’t mean for mean’s sake. He’s just not the brightest tool in the shed, so what he believes to be funny is most often in poor taste. Calling a fifteen-year-old girl names for trying to express herself with a new hairdo definitely falls under the category of bullying, in my opinion.

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