Page 69 of Deviant

Her blue eyes soften.

“Trust me. You have the capacity for love and then some. When you find the man of your dreams, you won’t be able to stop yourself from falling head over heels in love with him. Itwill be the most intense experience you’ve ever had, and it’ll be impossible for you to resist it.”

“Sounds like you’re trying to warn me more than excite me with the prospect of falling in love.”

“I’m not going to sugar coat it—love is pain.” She smiles weakly at me. “But when you find that one person—the right person—it can be glorious too.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.”

I lean my head on her shoulder and stare at the TV, thinking long and hard about her definition of falling in love. I never asked if she had ever been with anyone, but she never ventured those types of details to me, either. We knew that there were just some topics we didn’t discuss. My sex life with her brother, for one, and hers with god knows who.

But one thing she is right about is that Aidan is not the man of my dreams, as she called it.

And it’s not fair that I keep stringing him along, either. He should be able to also find his person. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to find mine.

My lids become heavier with these thoughts running through my head.

I must fall asleep somehow because the next thing I know, I’m stirred awake when Nora places a blanket over me.

“No. Don’t go.”

“I have to, Roe.”

Shit.

Tonight did not go to plan.

“Wait,” I shriek, jumping off the couch like some madwoman. “I made you something.”

“You did?” she asks in confusion, trailing behind me as I hurry to the kitchen.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I don’t have time to slip the Rohypnol into her drink, so I decide to go with plan B instead. Before Nora came over, I made a batch of red velvet cupcakes—her favorite—lacing the creamy cheese frosting with the powder crushed from the ecstasy pills. I’m not sure how fast the drug will act, but I’m praying it’s quick.

“I don’t have time for this,” she says worriedly, looking out the kitchen window at the full moon hanging up in the sky.

“Please, just wait,” I urge, opening the refrigerator and taking the sweet treat out of a container. “Happy Birthday,” I say, handing her the cupcake.

“It’s a little early to celebrate my birthday, don’t you think?” She laughs. “It’s still a month away.”

“If you get chosen for The Scourge like you’re determined to, then you’ll be gone on your birthday. It will be the first one we won’t celebrate together.”

When her expression softens yet again, genuinely touched by the gift, my own guilt and shame start to claw at my throat.

“You’re right. I’ve been so caught up in my own shit that I completely forgot about that. It was really sweet of you to remember. So, do I get a candle? It’s not a birthday cupcake if it doesn’t have a candle to make a wish.”

“I think I might have one here somewhere.”

I turn my back to her nervously and fumble through the kitchen drawers in search of a candle. I feel all sorts of conflicted about my actions, but I don’t see any other way to prevent her from making the worst mistake of her life.

If this works, she’ll hopefully pass out before she’s able to leave. I don’t want her driving under the influence, either. That may get her killed in a whole different way, which is not my intention—saving her is.

“Found it!” I shout a little too excitedly and turn around, planting the candle in the middle of the cupcake. I then lightit up and start singing Happy Birthday to Nora, her joyous expression making me feel even worse for my betrayal.

A little bit of me is dying on the inside, being able to lie so easily to her without her being none the wiser. She trusts me so much that it would never cross her mind that I could be anything less than genuine, much less betray her in such a way.

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