Page 16 of Deviant

A loud scream rips from my chest and throat, hating that she won’t give me this.

Not even in death.

I long to die, and somehow, she’s found a way to deny me this relief.

It’s punishment.

Punishment for what you’ve done.

You don’t deserve a quick death.

You deserve misery and anguish.

I tell myself this as I bring my foot onto the ledge and lean back against the rail. My tears blind me as I pull myself over the rail and back onto solid ground, my whole body falling to the ground with a scraping thud.

“I just want it over with. Just… let me go,” I plead, craving her mercy more than anything else in this world.

But Nora is no longer here to torment me with a reply. Only the howling wind keeps me company now.

I pull my knees under my chin, hugging them to my chest as I cry my frustration and agony away.

There must be a way to get what I want and still appease her.

There must be.

I just have to think of one.

Think of a way where the punishment fits the crime.

She won’t be able to deny me that.

The practical, analytical part of my brain tells me that subconsciously, I’m the one talking myself off the ledge to ensure my continued existence. That the voice I hear is my own and not Nora’s. But that part of my brain is no match for the misery that has darkened my soul.

I revoked all common sense and survival instincts the night Nora died in my arms.

Still, I need to prepare for the inevitable.

Her voice will become a faint memory soon enough, and before that happens, justice needs to prevail.

I don’t care how it happens, just that it does.

And no ghosts or pesky subconscious survival instincts will keep me from my goal.

I’ll find a way to end this.

I’ll find a way.

I have to.

Ineedto.

Sooner rather than later if I have anything to say about it.

Nora will get her due justice.

And I will have my penance.

And hopefully… finally… absolution.

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