Page 84 of Old Flame

“We don’t get closure. Our fucking souls connected twenty-one years ago, and they haven’t let go. Even though you married someone else. Even when I fucked some faceless female. They. Never. Let. Go. You might have loved your husband, but not the way you did me. Because you couldn’t. When I was inside you this morning, it was the first time I’d felt like I had a goddamn soul in eighteen years.”

A hot tear broke free and began to roll down my face. When I blinked, another fell, and a sob came from deep inside my chest.

Agreeing with this, accepting it, would only prove that I deserved the guilt that weighed on me.

Rome moved a hand from my hair to brush the tears from my cheeks with the back of his finger. “I told you, every woman I fucked since you, I never looked them in the eyes, never wanted to see their face. It was always just you.”

I shook my head and let out a loud sob as I shoved at his chest again. “Stop! Don’t say that!” The emotion felt like a volcano that was just on the brink of finally erupting.

Rome grabbed my face with both his hands. His pale green eyes were a sea of pain, hope, loss, and love. Seeing it only made me cry harder. Because more than anything, I wanted his love. Something I no longer deserved.

“Why? It’s the truth. You need to hear it. Believe it. Realize it was always you, Salem. No one else ever came close to taking your place.”

“Please,” I begged. “Stop.”

“Why?” he asked, lowering his head and brushing a kiss against the corner of my mouth.

“Because…” The word came out in a choked whisper.

He began to catch my tears with his finger, then placed a kiss where they had been. The gentleness of it was breaking me as much as it was putting me back together.

I’m sorry.

For doing what I told you to do?

Yes. No. Because…because…

Because you loved him.

“Is it because you can’t forgive me?” Rome asked in a voice so thick with pain that my chest only ached more.

I shook my head. I’d forgiven him. He’d lost his mother. We’d been young. He’d been searching for somewhere to get relief, escape. I was a reminder of her. These were all things I had told myself over the years. I was sure they’d all played a role in what he did. How he had betrayed me, then let me go.

“I forgave you,” I said in a hoarse voice.

“Then why are you breaking my heart with your tears?”

I took in a deep breath, then let it out and stared at his neck, unable to meet his gaze. Not sure if I was going to say this. I’d not repeated this to a single soul. It had been my shame to carry. The one I deserved.

That’s not why I said it.Eamon’s voice was so clear in my head.

Does that matter?

You’re so stubborn.

“Eamon’s last words…” I paused and steadied myself. Grief rushing over me as I remembered that day. His last breaths. “He said…‘Go find him.’ I asked him, ‘Who?” And he said—he—” I sucked in a breath as my eyes stung. “He said, ‘The one you see when you close your eyes.’”

Rome was so still. My shoulders shook as I hung my head and cried harder. Strong arms wrapped around me and pulled me against him. I buried my face in his chest and let it all go. Rome ran a hand over the back of my head in a soothing manner while keeping one arm locked tight around me.

Was that so hard?

Shut up.

Eamon’s amused chuckle replayed in my memory.

Rome pressed a kiss to the top of my head as my sobs eased and then stopped.

“You didn’t come looking for me, did you?” Rome asked in a gravelly voice.

---