Page 61 of Old Flame

As nice as that was of him, it played with my head’s and body’s reactions to his nearness. When he did things like this, it triggered too many memories that had been locked away. I fought the urge to step back and run inside, away from him. Remembering was territory that made me vulnerable. I didn’t ever want to be that weak again. That easy to destroy. There would be no Eamon to pick me up, dust me off, and stand by me, refusing to give up, no matter how hard I pulled away or closed down on him.

This is what I told you to do.His voice was in my head, and this time, I hadn’t put it there.

What?

Don’t pretend like you didn’t hear me. We both know you did, my blue-eyed girl.

I shoved that away, refusing to have that internal conversation with my deceased husband.

He hadn’t known what he was talking about in those last words he said to me. The guilt that had come with them would eat me alive.

26

Tex

It was like coming home. The only thing that could have come in at a close second would be walking into the front door of my mom’s house and smelling her cooking. That was something I’d never experience again. And I wasn’t real damn sure I deserved to feel this again, but I’d murder anyone who tried to take it away from me with my own two hands.

Being on my bike had always been my escape. The engine rumbling beneath me, the wind in my face, the ability to ride. Ride until nothing else mattered. Ride until the demons chasing me gave up. But there had been a time in my life when the sight of my bike was so fucking painful that it was a battle for me to even get on it. I’d wanted to take a sledgehammer to it until there was nothing left but a heap of destruction…until we were the same.

I inhaled deeply and let the feel of Salem’s arms around me and her body pressed against my back bring back the deep-seated satisfaction of having my world righted. There was an energy pulsing around me that had been dormant for so damn long that I’d forgotten it’d existed. Or I’d taken it for granted back then. Thought I’d always have it. Seemed it hadn’t been buried with my mother. The peace that came with having a center, a purpose, a home that I’d assumed had been taken when I lost her.

The peace had changed sources at some point, transferring to Salem, and I’d not even realized it. Then I had let it go because it was what Mom had said was best for Salem. What I should do if I loved her. And I had loved her. So much that it goddamn hurt. I’d have done anything to make sure she got the life she wanted. My giving her up had crushed her, but it had wrecked my soul until I no longer recognized myself.

Her body leaned with mine as if a day hadn’t gone by without her behind me. I’d had a lot of bitches on the back of my bike, but none had made it feel as if this were a sanctuary. The demons, darkness, and turmoil threaded throughout my life had no place here. They didn’t fit or fucking matter. Not now.

Slowing, I turned onto the dirt road that began the six acres of land I’d bought five years ago with the plan to build a house so I had somewhere to go when I needed solace. For a moment, I had even considered finding someone I could love or care enough about to have a family with. It was fleeting, but the thought was there. The idea of having a son or a daughter, a wife to come home to—someone who belonged solely to me—had come and gone quickly. Because of the female currently warming my body.

She’d moved on, fallen in love again, and the slice of torment that had come with that made me wince. The girl who had been mine alone wasn’t any longer. Her heart had been given to someone else. And I was the reason it had happened. I had sent her away to find happiness. If I’d fucking known that the happiness would include another man, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. I knew that now.

And not just any other man, but a fucking drug lord from Ireland. There was no way she could have known. The Salem I had known wouldn’t have been able to live like that. The danger that revolved around the man she’d married. Hell, talking to the damn cops today had made her look physically ill. I knew she didn’t know shit, but there was the chance she knew things thatshe didn’t realize she knew. Keys to bringing down the family she’d been a part of.

I wanted to drill her with questions. Had he been good to her? Had he made her feel special? Why hadn’t he given her any kids? Not that I was upset about that exactly. But, dammit, she’d be an amazing mother. She had wanted kids. A family. She’d wanted it with me at least.

The pain in my chest was back, snatching the earlier contentment from me. We weren’t those kids anymore, and there were things between us. People between us. And lies between us. I couldn’t erase all that just to have her. Even if that was all I wanted to do.

The questions I asked her wouldn’t be about her happiness. They would all have a purpose. The final goal. Finding out what she knew about her deceased husband. How she’d found out about the job here, working for Kendrix. There was no way it wasn’t connected. It was all too much of a coincidence. I would have known that even if Liam hadn’t spelled it out for me.

I knew he believed she had some insider information or that she’d come here because of something she’d been instructed to do. I intended to find out the truth and clear her name. Make sure everyone knew she was innocent.

Pulling to a stop in the clearing where I’d had trees taken down for the house I never got around to building, I cut the engine. When her hold on me loosened and then her arms left me, I realized my mistake. But if she kept touching me, my head wouldn’t be able to focus on my reason for doing this.

I glanced back at her as she began to unbuckle her helmet. The eyes that had never left my dreams took in her surroundings with interest until they came back to meet mine.

“This is your land?” she asked, pulling the helmet off her head.

Her dark locks, in a messy disarray, were distracting. Making me think of the times I’d made it look that way and the thingswe’d done to cause it.

“Yeah,” I replied, then cleared my throat.

“There’s so much land. I’d have never imagined there’d be anything like this close to Miami.”

We’d driven over an hour north up the coast, but I liked that she hadn’t thought it was that long. That meant she had been enjoying herself.

“It was easier to find six acres of undeveloped land in Lake Worth Beach. I doubt there is any in Miami, and if there is, it is out of my price range,” I replied, climbing off the bike.

I’d spent almost two million on this piece of land, but it had been an investment. Continuing to sink my income from the club’s profit into more strip clubs hadn’t seemed like the best financial move. I had enough invested in them. I’d wanted something that was solely mine.

I held out my hand to her after taking her helmet. She glanced down at it for a moment, as if she wasn’t sure she should take it.

---