Page 31 of By His Play

My words dry up as I think about the time I spent with Grams while living this lie.

It was wrong. So wrong. But also, I don’t regret it. I can’t.

In her final weeks, I gave her hope. I gave her happiness, and I relieved her worries about leaving me.

“I’m sorry I lied. I should have talked to you about it first. But you were so focused on the playoffs and?—”

“Don’t turn this on me. Nothing is ever more important to me than you. Ever.”

“I know,” I mumble, ashamed over how this has gone. “It was never meant to get out. It was supposed to be mine and Grams’ little secret.”

“And you really believed that? Fucking hell, Effie.” He groans, dragging his sweaty hair back from his head and pulling until it has to hurt.

“I wasn’t thinking.”

“No, you weren’t,” he agrees.

We stand staring at each other in a stalemate. I have so much more to say, and so does he. But neither of us let the words free.

Finally, he lets out a heavy sigh before announcing, “I got your favorite and pastries. Eat. I’m going to shower.”

My lips part to respond, but I’m too slow. He’s already gone.

“Fuck,” I breathe, dropping my head onto my folded arms on the table.

Could I have fucked this up any more?

Kieran never takes long showers. He’s usually in and out in under ten minutes. But this morning, he’s gone for over thirty.

I have one sip of coffee before pushing it away.

I can’t stomach it. It tastes like acid.

Instead, I stay exactly where I am and wallow in self-pity.

“Get dressed,” Kieran barks the second he emerges, dressed and looking devastatingly good. If I didn’t already feel like a mess, then I would looking at him. He’s every inch the football god that everyone makes him out to be.

Was it naive of me to think that I could tell Grams we were engaged and expect the news not to leave the care home? Yep, apparently it was.

I didn’t expect it to be leaked. Hell, I didn’t really expect it to be taken seriously. If Grams was of sound mind, she would never have believed me. But she wanted it so badly, it was easy to skip the bits that didn’t make much sense. Like the fact that Kieran had apparently proposed, but I hadn’t seen him in months.

There were so many red flags that I’d convinced myself it would be okay.

Unable to do anything but follow orders, I rush past him without saying a word and pull some clothes on.

Kieran then drives me silently to the care home.

It’s awful.

The whole journey, his phone is going off. If it’s not calls from Kat, it’s messages from his brothers or teammates.

I haven’t looked at mine, but I fear it’ll look similar.

Sure, we’ve had a handful of arguments over the years; none of them were serious, though. We’ve certainly never fallen out to the point of not talking before.

By the time we arrive, I jump out of the car like my ass is on fire and rush into the building.

I have no doubt that he will follow me eventually, but I just need a few minutes.

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