Page 32 of By His Play

Inside, I find Grams sleeping, and I collapse in the chair beside her.

“I’ve screwed up,” I confess. “All I wanted to do was make you smile, and now I’ve hurt the one person I need more than ever.”

Dropping my head into my hands, I cry for all my stupid mistakes.

I have no idea how long I sob for, but by the time they subside, my eyes are sore and my throat hurts.

Every time I think that life can’t get any worse, it does.

Still curled up in the chair, I begin talking to Grams. She can’t hear me, but I still blabber away about nothing. If there is any chance that she can hear my voice, then I want her to know that I’m here and not totally falling apart. Even if that is just another big fat lie.

Laura comes in and out a couple of times, but other than offering me a hot drink and her sympathies, she doesn’t have a lot to say.

It’s just a waiting game now. I get that. There really isn’t any kind of positive spin anyone can put on this situation.

Kieran never comes, and I’m too scared to see if that’s just because he’s outside, lost in his own thoughts, or if he’s gone.

He’d have every right to go back to Chicago and have Kat deal with the shitshow that I’ve brought on his life.It sure wouldn’t be the first time he’s needed the help of the team’s publicist to get him out of trouble.

The thought of calling an Uber and going home to a silent, empty house tonight guts me.

I’d rather stay in this chair until they kick me out than return without him.

Hours pass. My stomach grumbles, but I don’t make a move to fill it with anything.

Grams’ eyelids flicker, but she never wakes or shows any other promising signs. And when the doctor does his rounds, he repeats what I’ve heard for the last few days.

The end is coming.

I don’t leave the room until two nurses come in to do Grams’ personal care.

I walk out of her room on shaky, weak legs and look up and down the hallway, wondering what I’m supposed to do now.

I used to make their visits my excuse to head off for the night. But as hard as it was going home then, it’s going to be a million times worse now.

Deciding that some fresh air might help, I head for the double doors that lead outside.

Long before I get there, the soothing sound of torrential rain hits my ears.

A cold waft of air envelops me as I sit outside. I stand there for a few seconds as my skin prickles with goosebumps, watching the raindrops bounce across the parking lot.

A trickle of unease runs down my spine, and I look to the right where a bank of benches sits under the canopy.

I expect to find a stranger sitting there contemplating life without a loved one, but I quickly discover that I’m very wrong.

“Kieran,” I whisper, the sound swallowed by the downpour.

He studies me as if he’s seeing me for the first time.

“I thought you’d left.”

He shakes his head, and I can’t help but think he’s disappointed in me.

Hesitantly, I walk over and perch at the other end of the bench.

My skin continues to burn with his attention, but I keep my eyes focused on the parking lot.

“I don’t care that you made all of this up to make Grams happy,” he tells me. “If I were in your position, I’d have done the same thing.” A little relief trickles through my veins, but his next words squash it faster than I thought possible. “I’m really fucking pissed that you lied to me about it, though. That you allowed me to find out the way I did.”

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