Page 244 of By His Play

“She was so fucking excited to see you. She was giddy with it.You were all she could talk about.”

My heart slams against my ribs as I absorb what he’s saying.

All the things I said to her Friday night come back to me, and I want to punch myself in the face.

I was a jerk. No, I was worse than that.

Fuck.

She really doesn’t deserve a fuck-up like me.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt, making Brax’s brows shoot up.

“I appreciate it, bro. But I’m not the one who needs to hear that.”

“She’ll never forgive me for Friday night.”

“She probably shouldn’t. But I think you might be pleasantly surprised.”

Brax stayed for an hour berating me for my life choices.

He’d probably tell you that he was being a good friend—a better one than I deserved—and steering me in the right direction.

But it’s safe to say that by the time he left, I was feeling pretty shitty about myself.

Deep down, maybe I did know that it was all media bullshit.

But sitting in Jamie’s car, obsessing over every inch of those photographs, did something to me. It fed into every single one of my insecurities, my fears, and they took hold.

It might have taken me a lot of years to come to my senses, but I love Effie. I’m pretty sure I always have, and I know that I always will.

But the thought of us getting together, finally exploring this other side to our relationship that is so fucking awesome, only to lose it down the line…it would kill me.

Being friends is safe. Sure, we can have our disagreements and bicker about stupid things, but we’d never fall out to a point where we’d part ways.

As a couple, it could happen.

Hell, it does happen.

Across the country, thousands of couples split every single day. They tear their worlds in two and divide everything they’ve built together.

I refuse to be in that position with Effie.

But what if that didn’t happen?

What if we could find a way to be the best friends that we’ve always been and more?

Is it possible? Or will we be putting ourselves on a journey to destruction?

Driving back into Chicago, I let that fear take over.

In her apartment, I allowed it to fuel me and the words spilling from my lips.

I regret every single one of them.

She’d have every right never to forgive me.

But I’m going to try my hardest to get her to.

---