Page 240 of By His Play

I pad through to my bathroom to freshen up before grabbing a hoodie from my closet and heading to the kitchen for coffee.

With a bit of luck, it’ll help bring me back to life.

Despite the sun already being high in the sky, illuminating the city in a beautiful warm glow, I don’t really see it.

Everything is gray and muted.

I start the coffee machine and jump up on the counter as I wait for it.

Was coming back here a huge mistake?

Maybe I should start over.

I never figured out how that would look. My notebook still sits mostly empty. But maybe it was the best option.

I don’t move from the counter. Instead, I sit there with the cold from the granite top working through my body.

It’s not until I’ve made my second cup that I finally hop down. After locating my notebook of ideas that I’d left to fester in my suitcase, I curl back up on the couch and stare down at the page.

I can’t help but laugh.

The ideas I wrote down are ridiculous.

Flipping the page, I find my pros and cons list for coming back or staying in St. Louis.

I scan down the list.

Right now, St. Louis is tempting.

A nice quiet and empty house. No pressure of work. No hustle and bustle of the city.

No Kieran…

Even with all of this up in the air, could I really live anywhere without him?

No matter what happens between us, he’ll forever be my person.

Lifting my hand to wipe a tear away, I stare out at the stadium.

This place will forever be his home. And that means, it needs to be mine.

I can’t leave him.

No matter how vile the words are he says to me. No matter how hard things get or how badly my heart hurts.

I just can’t do it.

The sound of my buzzer rips through the air and I startle.

My heart jumps into my throat, and for hopeful seconds, I think he’s come back.

Placing my empty mug on the coffee table, I race toward the console at the front door that will allow me to hear his voice.

My hand trembles as I press the button.

“Hello?” I say in a rush, desperate to hear his voice.

Please, please be him.

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