Page 234 of By His Play

Some of the things I said were a low blow, I know that.

They were mean and unfair.

But it’s too late now. I’ve said them.

The damage is done.

Just like it was when she got caught with Brax.

Pain slices through my chest again as I think about those images.

I didn’t react in the car with Jamie when I found them. Well, not outwardly. Inside, I was a fucking mess.

And it really didn’t help when we got stuck on the freeway because of an accident.

Everything inside me, all the reasons I never wanted to get involved with a woman, all the bullshit I’ve ever seen my teammates go through over the years bubbled up inside me until I could barely contain it.

The second he dropped me off, I was sprinting to my apartment for my keys so I could go and confront her.

I didn’t give myself even a second to try and think rationally. I was too far gone.

The damage had been done. The pain had been caused.

All I could think about was telling her that I knew.

As I pace back and forth, the anger barely lessens.

Watching her stand up for herself should have been hot.

She doesn’t do it very often.

It should probably also have been a sign that I needed to tone it down.

But I couldn’t. I was fueled by nothing but anger and bitter disappointment.

How could she do that to me?

All the air rushes from my lungs.

I’d convinced myself that she wanted the same thing as me. All week, I’ve told myself that we’re on the same page.

How fucking stupid was I?

This is exactly why I don’t do serious. It comes with too much drama and heartache.

When I’m confident I can drive without plowing my car straight into the nearest building, I pull the door open and take a step to get in. But before I do, I look back at the main entrance.

If she weren’t guilty, wouldn’t she have run after me? Pleaded her innocence?

My eyes roll up the building to her penthouse windows, but I don’t stand a chance of seeing anything from down here.

With my heart feeling like it’s lost a fight with a meat tenderizer, I finally drop into my car and take off.

I swear, I leave the final whole pieces of it behind.

I realized a few things this week. Not only am I in love with Effie, but I’m pretty sure I have been for a very, very long time.

She’s always been the one. The first person I’ve wanted to tell when things go well, the person I want to confide in when shit goes wrong. No matter what happens, she’s the one I want next to me.

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