Page 209 of By His Play

Rolling onto my back, I stare up at my ceiling.

I should have gotten up almost an hour ago to do my yoga, but I haven’t been able to find the strength or inclination to do it.

So instead, I continue to lie here, replaying last night over and over.

I’m only punishing myself, but I can’t help it.

He probably went home having scratched his itch and forgot all about it.

Makes me wonder why he came to me and didn’t call on one of his usual hookups.

Maybe he thought I’d be less work.

I cringe.

That can’t be right. I’ve seen how shameless and desperate the women he usually spends time with can be.

He had no idea how I’d react to him turning up.

Maybe that was the point. Maybe it was a test.

I drive myself crazy, thinking up a million different reasons why last night happened. None of them make me feel any better about it.

What happened is obvious.

He played me. And I let him.

I wonder how it makes him feel to know he has that much control over me.

I told him to leave only a week ago, but yet, he can turn up and get exactly what he wants.

Fuck. I’m pathetic.

And…I really need to change my locks.

I really can’t risk that happening again.

Kieran Callahan is going to break me.

No, he’s going to shatter me to smithereens. And I can’t let that happen.Not when I’ve worked so hard.

Finally, I throw the covers back and get to my feet with a new strength fueling me.

Or at least I do until my thighs pull and my pussy aches in a way that reminds me all too vividly about the events of the night before.

I can’t let him do this.

He can’t infiltrate every inch of my life.

He makes me want him in a way I’ve never wanted anyone before.

It’s not fair.

I refuse to be the kind of woman who mopes around because a man doesn’t want her.

Kieran and I have managed for years without me losing my mind over him.

I can go back to that…can’t I?

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