Page 192 of By His Play

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here staring at nothing. I don’t even have the TV on. My apartment is completely silent. There is nothing but my irritating thoughts and regrets to keep me company.

Over and over, I keep replaying last night in my head.

I should have handled it differently. I think I was aware of that at the time, but I was fueled by anger.

I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t a little bit of relief in there too. But it wasn’t enough to calm my temper.

I’ve been so fucking worried about her, and for four days, she’d been right here under my nose.

Fuck.

Even now, almost twenty-four hours on from finding out the truth, my hands still tremble with rage.

She lied to me.

Okay, so it was a lie by omission. But that doesn’t stop it from hurting.

What if I’d gotten bored of waiting for her and decided to drive to St. Louis?

A million and one what-ifs flicker through my head, none of them helpful and all of them building my irritation.

I should move. I should force myself into my gym to burn off some steam, but I can’t make myself do it.

So instead, I remain exactly where I have been for hours now.

I haven’t even bothered to eat.

A bitter laugh spills from my lips.

Is this what it’s like? To have your world ripped to shreds by a girl?

It’s funny, because never in a million years did I think that Effie would be the one to do it.

For years, I’ve trusted her with my heart…with my everything.

I truly thought she was one person I could always rely on.

I never even considered there could be an end for us. That I might have to be forced to live a life without her.

Pain shoots through me.

That can’t happen. It just can’t. We have to get through this.

By the time my buzzer for my apartment goes off, I’m a mess.

I really need to hit something. The healthiest option would be a treadmill, but I don’t think it’ll have the effect I’m hoping for.

It’s been years since I was in a physical fight. These days, it’s not worth losing my starting position on the team for, but fuck if I don’t want to go at it with someone right now.

If I called Kian, he’d probably be up for it. It was always the two of us that ended up settling an argument with our fists, with Kingston on the sidelines watching, having probably started the whole thing, and then smirking as the two of us got hauled away by our dad.

I might have always hated being the little one, but I loved my brothers something fierce. I still do.

They’re my rocks. Just like Effie.

My teeth grind.

There isn’t a part of my life that she’s not involved in.

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