Page 166 of By His Play

Kieran: Have you had a good day?

40

EFFIE

I’m a nervous wreck by the time I pull up into the secure underground garage of my apartment building.

Leaving St. Louis, or more specifically, Grams’ house, was as hard as I thought it was going to be.

The place and everything inside might be mine now, but there was a part of me that felt like I was abandoning Grams.

It’s silly, I know that. But I guess that’s the thing about emotions and grief. They’re not reasonable or predictable.

Different things hit you out of nowhere. Some make you laugh, but many make you cry, and many make you feel empty like something is missing.

I said I was looking for a sign, and after hanging up the phone with Henry, I felt like universe had sent me one.

I felt awful for Jasmine, of course, I did. But I can’t help but wonder how long it would have taken me to admit to myself that I needed to return. I could spend weeks, months, even years trying to convince myself that there might be something else out there for me.

Truth is, Kieran was right. Chicago is my home. It has been for years.

And no matter what happens between us after that wild weekend—as I like to call it—he is still my person.

I’m not expecting our relationship to return to what it was before. I’m not sure that’s possible. But I’m confident that it’s not all over. Or at least, I hope so.

Then why haven’t you told him that you’re back?

I shake that little thought of reason from my head and pull into the space I haven’t parked in for a very long time.

It’s been four days since I answered Henry’s call and agreed to return.

But while I think he was secretly hoping that I’d jump straight in my car and head back, I wasn’t so keen.

I knew I needed a little more time, so I agreed to ease myself in with a few days of remote work. I told him that I’d return to the office Monday.

At the time, it was a week away. This weekend, let alone Monday, still seemed like a million miles away. But as it always is, I feel like I blinked and it’s here.

I kill the engine, slump back, and close my eyes.

The drive was good, but I’m exhausted.

My eyes hurt after focusing in a way I haven’t for a long time, and my body aches. Probably from the positions I’ve been twisting it up into recently.

“Move or you’ll be here all night,” I tell myself in the hope a pep talk will perk me up a little.

My car is loaded with so much more stuff than I left with. I have two suitcases and bags of I don’t know what really.

I grabbed a few of Grams’ belongings that I wanted for my apartment, but the rest of it is just random stuff I’ve collected over the past few weeks. Like my new yoga mat.

Grabbing one suitcase and a couple of bags with the essentials in them, I make my way toward the elevator.

The very moment I step into the entryway, the scent of home washes over me. It’s so familiar. It’s almost like I’ve never been away.

Pressing the call button, I wait for the elevator as I catalogue all the things that have happened since I was here.

In some ways, it’s like time has stood still and I’ve done nothing, but in others, it feels like everything has happened and that I’m now standing here as a different person.

I ride to the top of the building in a daze.

---