Page 163 of By His Play

His teammates pile on top of him as the ref blows for the end of the game, cementing their win.

Spending time at summer camps is one of my favorite things to do.

Being back in Chicago in time for the first camps to start up has been a lifesaver.

It’s been two weeks since I did what Effie wanted and walked away, leaving her and St. Louis behind me.

They’ve been the worst two weeks of my life.

I thought it was bad after I fucked up our chance of going all the way last season. But that had nothing on this.

I swear, it would have been easier to leave a limb behind in St. Louis than Effie. Okay, so that might be a slight exaggeration, but fuck.

A huge part of me is missing, and I have no idea what to do about it.

Nothing fills the hole.

It was hard when she first left to look after Grams. I missed her so badly.

But at least then I had a piece of her. If I called her, she’d answer.

If I’d had a bad day, I’d be able to hear her voice and it would make it a little better.

I haven’t lost her. She’s still there.

For a few days, all I could think was that I’d done the wrong thing.

She didn’t respond to anything, and I was constantly thirty seconds away from grabbing my keys and driving back.

I knew I shouldn’t; I knew deep down that I did the right thing. But fuck, I wanted to.

I wanted to see if she was okay. I wanted to pull her into my arms. I wanted to kiss her, damn it.

“Good game, Coach,” Brax says, clapping me on the shoulder. A little harder than necessary, if I’m being honest. “Shame the best team didn’t win.”

“Pfft. That’s a lie and you know it.”

Today was our first day with these rugrats, and it’s been a pretty good one.

It’s the first time since I returned that I’ve been able to switch off even slightly.

We’ll drop in and out over the next few weeks to see how they progress with their normal coaches.

Being a part of these young players’ lives is such a privilege. It’s why I started the foundation.

Over the summer, we’ll spend time at a whole host of different camps across the state, making memories and hopefully inspiring the future of the NFL.

“Whatever,” he says as both teams turn our way.

I always love the first day. The kids have such stars in their eyes.

I know that people say our egos are already huge, but seeing those little eyes with so much awe and admiration makes me feel like I’m king of the world.

I also love how their relationship with us changes as they get to know us.

Right now, we’re their heroes and completely untouchable, but by the time our camp comes to an end, they realize we’re just normal people like them. And while we may be their coaches, we almost always part as friends. They are excited to embark on their next season, and we’re ready to watch their progress and see where they end up.

The group stands before us with red faces and heaving chests, ready for their post-game speech.

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