Page 160 of By His Play

EFFIE

Two weeks pass torturously slowly. Every day I wake up thinking that I’ll feel more positive, that everything will hurt less, that I’ll figure my shit out, but it never happens.

I keep adding to my pros and cons list, and I do actually have a few things on theNew Chapterpage, although admittedly, I’m not sure they’re entirely realistic.

Moving to an exotic island and learning to train dolphins might be a little out there as far as ideas go.

Every single day, Kieran has been calling and messaging.

I still haven’t answered a single one of his calls, although two days after he left, I did finally respond to his messages.

He was sounding more and more desperate, and I was genuinely feeling sorry for him.

Even though what we had that weekend was over, and even though I’m pretty sure he’s broken my already shattered heart on some level, he’s still my best friend.

Always will be.

“Oh shit,” I gasp, tumbling to the ground inelegantly.

For the last week and a half, I’ve been working through a thirty-day yoga flow.

It was one of the things I read online to help with my self-discovery.

I’m not really an exercise kind of girl. Over the years, I have tried several different things, although mainly at-home classes, because I’m not a fan of making myself look like an unfit fool in front of an audience.

But I’m really enjoying yoga. It’s given me something to look forward to daily, which is saying a lot right now.

It gives me time to breathe, to empty my mind, and to focus.

I haven’t had that since the weekend with Kieran, but I can’t help but feel like practicing yoga might be healthier than letting my best friend fuck me into oblivion.

Picking myself back up, I shake out my arms and legs before getting back into position.

While I might be enjoying this, I have a long way to go before I can consider myself any good at it.

And I’m certainly not doing it in front of anyone else. No one needs to see me bent in half with my ass in the air.

I work through the rest of the flow. It’s a beginners’ class, but even still, many of the poses are a challenge, especially for someone as uncoordinated and out of shape as me.

By the time I’m in the final pose, my body is covered in a sheen of sweat and my heart is pounding. It’s a really good feeling. I’m starting to understand why Kieran is so obsessed with exercising. It’s a buzz, and it’s helping to build me up a little every day.

I’m nowhere near back to being my old self, if she even exists now, but I’m starting to see some improvement.

The online class ends, and the house falls silent.

I continue lying there, breathing steadily and letting my mind drift.

I think about my apartment back in Chicago and the life I lived there.

I have received numerous messages from people back home checking in on me.

I’ve replied to some, like Jasmine and Braxton.

Technically, Brax is Kieran's friend, but we get along well and I appreciate his concern. Either way, I've kept him at arm's length so nothing gets back to Kieran.

Eventually, the air conditioning gets the better of me. With goosebumps pricking my skin, I get to my feet. My muscles pull in ways I’ve never experienced before.

My legs tremble as I make my way toward the bathroom. My leggings and sports bra stick to me, making my fingers twitch to rip them off.

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