Page 159 of By His Play

A blank page.

A fresh start.

What do I want to do?

New chapter,I scrawl across the top of the page before grinding to a rapid halt.

I sit there for a long time trying to come up with some options, but I don’t have anything.

Well, other than begging Kieran to come back. But that can’t happen.

He’s where he’s supposed to be.

But what about me?

In the end, I give up with ideas for my new start and turn the page.

On side I write,St. Louis,and on the other,Chicago.

The pros and cons come a little easier, and thirty minutes later, I have lists in every column.

What I don’t have, though, is a clear answer.

With nothing else to do, I make another coffee, grab my cell, and head outside, hoping that inspiration will strike in Grams’ favorite place.

I’ve read articles before where people have sworn they’ve had messages from loved ones from the afterlife. Would it be wishful thinking for something from Grams? Some kind of clue as to what path my life should take from here on out?

My ass has barely hit the swing seat when my cell starts ringing.

I know who it is before I look down.

I didn’t reply to the endless stream of messages he sent me since arriving home last night.

How could I? What was there to say?

Tears pool in my eyes at the sight of him on my screen.

It’s a photograph I took of him after an epic win. His smile is so wide and his eyes are alight with excitement.

Usually, I love seeing it. But today, everything is different.

I sit there with my thumb hovering over the slider to answer, but I never swipe.

I can’t.

The thought of hearing his voice again so soon sends a shot of fear through me.

I’ll break down the second I hear it; I know I will.

In the end, the call drops, and I slump on the swing and let out a heavy sigh.

Everything is such a mess.

Unlocking my cell, I pull up a web browser and do a quick Google search, which I hope will help.

How to find yourself again.

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