Page 153 of By His Play

It’s not a question I need to be thinking about right now.

I love my job. I love my colleagues. But I’ve never really clicked with them. Hell, I’ve never really clicked with anyone but Kieran.

God, how sad is that?

I blow out a long breath and stare out the window as Kieran makes his way back to Grams’ to collect all our stuff.

We’re almost there when the sight of the passing houses no longer gives me the distraction I need.

Ripping my eyes from the window, I reach for my purse and pull my cell out.

As usual, my screen is full of notifications that I usually ignore. But there is one news story that catches my eye, and before I can think any better of it, I tap it.

Chiefs star confesses to fake engagement.

36

KIERAN

Inotice the second everything changes.

Effie’s body stiffens in the seat beside mine before she pulls her legs up and wraps her arms around them as if she’s trying to hold herself together.

“W-what’s wrong?” I ask, although deep down, I know.

I haven’t told her what I’ve done because I knew it would bring too much into last night. It was already bittersweet as it was.

If she knew the news was going to break today, dragging everything that’s happened—her mistakes—back to the surface again, then there was no way she’d have enjoyed it as much as she did.

And fuck, did she enjoy it.

Image after image of her from last night plays out in my mind like a movie.

Crawling to me, tied to the bed, begging and pleading with me to let her come.

It was everything I wanted it to be, and more.

Everything she needed.

I just wish I could have protected her from the backlash of her thoughtlessness.

I tried to soften it as best I could, but no matter which way Kat spun the story to the press, it was never going to look good. But I did what I could to protect Effie the best I could.

Last night, I could somewhat ignore it and live in our little bubble of bliss. But this morning… the instant I woke up, I knew it was looming. I hit the gym hard. Harder than I have in a long time. But I needed it. I needed the chance to outrun my demons. To try to get my head straight so that when I faced Effie, I was stable and in control.

I thought I’d managed it, but of course, the second I woke up this morning, everything came crashing down.

All I really wanted to do was lounge around in bed with her. Pull her warm, soft body into mine and snuggle close.

But I couldn’t. That was over.

We’d set the rules, and I was keeping them.

Sure, the temptation to shatter them to smithereens was there, but where would it get us?

We couldn’t continue. We couldn’t be a couple.

I can’t be the man that she deserves, and there is no point even trying.

---