Page 26 of Riding Jamie

“No shit, I know you’re here for the holidays,” she says, brows furrowed. “But, like, why are youhere? Shouldn’t you be checking on Jamie?”

Hearing his name out loud feels like a punch to the chest, and I’m shocked silent.

“Maggie, seriously?” Phoebe hisses. “Can’t you?—”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

My voice comes out ragged and harsh, and both of them turn their attention to me. Maggie looks a little hesitant, and Phoebe looks both resigned and annoyed. I had planned to wait until at least tomorrow to talk to Phoebe about this, but the words come tumbling out before I can stop them.

“Did you know Jamie came to see me?” I ask Phoebe.

The silence that answers me tells me everything I need to know, and I let out something between a laugh and a sob.

“I…” she trails off. “I did, but?—”

“Why didn't you tell me?” It comes out closer to a sigh than I intend it to, but I guess that's better than sounding accusing and angry and hurt. “I've been missing him for months, and you didn't tell me that he's been trying to fix things this whole time?”

My voice breaks on the last word, and I feel myself slipping back into the whirlwind of despair that I’ve been struggling with since Bo told me Jamie was supposed to visit me. Did everyone know except me? Have I been wishing for Jamie to come ask for me back this whole time, not knowing that's exactly what he was trying to do?

“I tried. You told me to never say Jamie Walker’s name to you again, Oakley,” Phoebe says, her voice stern, but gentle.

My face scrunches up in pain as I remember that exact conversation. It was barely two weeks after I got to New York.

She hasn't mentioned him to me since.

“You said you were done,” she continues, softer now, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “You didn't want to hear anything about him, you just wanted to move on. He hurt you so badly, and you finally sounded like you were doing ok again.”

If I had been honest, could I have saved myself all this pain? I haven't been doing okay for a single second since I walked away from Jamie.

“I just wanted you to be happy, and I didn't want to stop you from chasing your dreams. I just thought it would be better if you could move on. When you didn’t mention seeing him, I figured he never showed.”

I thought Jamie had forgotten about me. I thought he was moving on and leaving me in the dust.

“He got thrown,” Maggie blurts. “At the rodeo in Billings.”

Those words tear through me like a fucking knife, and all of my worry about not seeing him in New York vanishes immediately. The blood rushes from my face, and my skin pebbles in terrified goosebumps.

“What?” I choke out.

Both of them go silent, their eyes blown wide. I have no idea what I look like right now, but I feel feral with both fury and fear. Phoebe and Maggie glance at each other, but it’s Phoebe who answers me.

“He was on Code Blue,” she says.

Code Blue.

My whole world tumbles down around me, and I can do nothing to stop myself from crumpling down onto the floor. Billings is the last in the circuit before nationals for areason, and it’s not because it’s easy. Some of the most dangerous bulls in the entire country have a home there.

Code Blue has a nasty habit of hospitalizing or even killing his riders.

If Jamie got thrown…

I shudder at the thought, a scream bubbling in my throat. He can’t be gone. If he’s gone and I didn’t evenknow?—

“He’s ok!” Maggie says, shaking me.

I blearily manage to open my eyes, my head spinning from the surge of panic. She’s crouched down in front of me, Phoebe at my side.

“He got pretty beat up, but he’s alright,” she continues when she sees my eyes open. “He was unconscious for a few days, broke his arm and his collarbone and his leg, I think.”

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