Page 21 of Riding Jamie

He gave me up.

“What?”

My voice sounds gravelly, even to my own ears. I'm torn between fury and hope and disbelief, the idea of seeing Jamie outside the penthouse, ready to apologize, making my knees go weak.

“You haven't seen him, then?” Bo asks after a long stretch of silence.

“No,” I scoff.

I stumble my way back to my bed, sitting down heavily. I’m frustrated and confused and so, so angry at the small part of me that's hopeful.

Bo sighs, cautious and worried. I can hear in his voice that he doesn't want to upset me, but I can't focus on that right now.

“Look, he was telling you the truth about Savannah,” he says, and I grit my teeth harshly at her name. “He's been a mess since you left, Oaks. He's been on the circuit trying to get enough money together to go see you and apologize in person. Maybe something came up before he could come see you. He was supposed to be there on the fifth?—”

“I have to go,” I say, talking over Bo.

Knowing I can’t listen to any more of this, I don't wait for his response, hanging up and dropping my hand to my side. I can't do anything but stare at the wall in front of me in shock. The fifth was when I was with Shane.

I'm shaking.

I nearly drop my phone as I fumble to pull up Jamie’s contact. It’s been so long since I’ve looked at it, and the contact picture I have saved for him makes my heart break all over again. He’s smiling in it, carefree and excited, and I miss him so much I can barely breathe

Did he actually come to see me? If Jamie came to see me and I was out on a fuckingdate, I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself.

I press call and hold my phone to my ear, clutching at it tightly as I wait for the dial tone to sound.

The call goes straight to voicemail.

I have no idea what I’d even say, so I hang up before I can hear the recorded message. I don’t know what I expected.

A sob tears free from my throat, and toss my phone to the side so I can dig my nails into my own palms. I wanted to forget about all of this, to move on with my life and carve a new path formyself. Why does it feel like my past is dragging me backward? I just want to move on, and I can’t even do that.

There’s a soft knock at my door a few moments later, but I don’t respond. I can’t do anything but cry right now.

The door creaks open slowly, my aunt’s head peeking around the corner. As soon as she sees the state I’m in, she abandons her hesitance and rushes in. She sits down on the bed next to me, and I crumple against her side, wrapping my arm around her waist as she pets through my hair soothingly. I can’t really hear her as she whispers calming nonsense, but it works nonetheless.

It takes a while for me to calm down, but I eventually manage to slow my breathing back to something reasonable.

“What’s going on, honey?” she asks quietly.

I suck in a shuddering breath, my mind racing. Where do I even start?

“Bo just called.” My voice is watery and I sound so fragile that it almost scares me. “He asked if I was coming home for the holidays.”

Aunt Kathy doesn’t stop petting through my hair, but I can feel the confusion in the way she shifts against me.

“He said Jamie came to visit me,” I continue, the words tearing out of me painfully. “I never saw him. I was on a date with Shane the night he was supposed to be here, and I don’t even know if he actually came or not. I don’t know what to do, and I miss him so much, and I just?—”

She cuts me off, shushing me gently. I force air into my lungs, trying to keep myself from dissolving into tears again.

“I made everything awkward with Shane because I’m not over Jamie,” I say miserably. “I don’t know how to fix any of it.”

My aunt draws in a slow, even breath, and I find myself unconsciously mirroring the action. She doesn’t ask for clarification, which I’m grateful for. I don’t think I could figureout how to say anything more clearly in the state I’m in right now.

---