Page 24 of Sworn to Protect

I fold the letter and toss it on the end table. Rubbing my knees, I stare at nothing and feel like my life is a giant battlefield and I’velost sight of my commander and team. Somewhere along the way, I’ve lost control. “Ethan, I’m trying here. But I don’t know if I can do it.”

I wake to rapid knocking. Scrubbing my hand over my face, I glance at my phone.Six o’clock.Who on earth would be here this early? I throw on a pair of black running shorts but don’t bother with a shirt. Whoever it is, their pounding is loud enough to wake the entire row of cabins. I snatch the gun from the bedside table and glide across the floor to the door. The moment I peek through the peephole, I lower the weapon.

“I’ll be right there,” I say to a much calmer Mackenzie than the one who yelled at me last night. Once the gun is safely out of sight, I open the door, and my breath nearly stills. Eyes, the same shade as the green sea glass found along Bermuda’s Black Bay Beach, lock onto mine, filled with regret and conflict.

“Hey.” Her soft voice glides over me. The way her eyes widen and darken with lust as they rake over my chest has me wishing I grabbed that shirt. Not that I don’t enjoy her appreciation, but these shorts are too thin and will reveal exactly what that look does to me.

“Hey,” I finally respond.

Mackenzie lifts a cup of coffee toward me. “I come with a peace offering. I, uh, need to apologize for my behavior last night.”

Her eyelashes sweep across her cheeks as if in shame before those beautiful green orbs meet mine again. My hand tightens around the door handle for support. For someone who prides himself on being strong, I sure feel weak.

I swing the door wider, allowing her in, and clear my throat. “Thank you, but that’s not necessary. I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn’t have assumed you’d be okay with me packing.”

“I hate guns.”

Considering her circumstances, I find her statement odd, but I remain quiet, giving a reassuring nod.

She lets out a stuttering breath and starts wringing her hands. “I, uh, never told you about my husband.”

My mouth dries despite the sip of coffee I took. I knew this conversation was coming, but all the knowledge didn’t prepare me more.

“Why don’t you have a seat?” I motion toward the dated couch. She nods and takes my offer, still twisting her hands. I could end her apprehension by telling her I already knew her circumstances. That I already knew how her husband had died. I don’t understand why Ethan wants me to remain silent. Or how keeping my identity a secret helps, but I feel compelled to follow his wishes. I owe him that much. So, instead of telling the truth, I offer her bottled water.

“I never told you I’m a widow. You may have already found out since this town doesn’t keep secrets, but my husband, Ethan, was in the army. He, uh . . .” She closes her eyes and takes another deep breath as if that motion alone will summon all the encouragement she needs to continue. “He was on a mission in Afghanistan. Something went wrong, and he ended up getting shot. The injury was fatal.”

I’m such a prick.I sit here like a dickhead while she struggles to explain the truth I already know. It’d be so easy to come clean to her. To lay everything out there and put her at ease. Damn you, Ethan, for putting me in this situation.

“I was never a big gun person.” She lets out a humorless laugh. “Sort of stupid of me to marry an army brat, but that’s what I did. Having guns in the house was the biggest source of our fighting. He wanted an arsenal. I didn’t want any, but I knew that was too much to ask. I demanded he kept them locked up. If our boys ever got ahold of them”—a shudder works through her body—“I’d never forgive myself. Anyway, I went a little ballistic on you. Seeing the gun brought back too many bad memories. I know you were just protecting my kids. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry about your husband. I knew he had passed.” It’s the only truth I can offer, but it doesn’t lessen the sting of my betrayal. My gaze slides over her shoulder and lands on Ethan’s letter on the end table. My heart nearly stops. No, no, no. She cannot discover his letter. Or worse, read his words. It would cause more harm than good. Besides, Ethan’s right. When her mom returns in a few weeks, I’m gone. Although, it may be sooner than I thought since her brother is back. My time is no longer needed. But damn, when those expressive eyes stare up at me with her slightly upturned nose that’s splattered with freckles, I’m not sure how to feel about that.

I swallow past the lump of confusion forming in my throat. “Trust me. There’s no need to apologize. I understand.”

“It’s no excuse. Ethan used to hate it when I’d go ballistic. He’d call me a crazed bitch.”

I feel my eyebrows rise in shock. I don’t understand how Ethan could call her that. Based upon what I’ve seen, if bitch and saint were balancing scales, she would tip it toward sainthood.

Mackenzie must pick up on my sudden demeanor change because she quickly responds, “Not that often, I swear. But he never understood my position on anything. That’s why I’m finishing up nursing school now. One, I need a good job, but also, it’s because I’ve always wanted to be a nurse. Ethan wouldn’t let me.” She sets the bottle down by the letter. I watch her hand graze over the paper. I clench my coffee cup tighter to keep from snatching the damn thing up.

“He wouldn’t let you?” I ask, seemingly confused. Why would it have been up to him if she worked?

“No. Ethan said my job was raising the kids. He didn’t want to be bothered with any responsibility when he came home from deployments. If I had a job, he would have to help more. I went behind his back and took some online classes. That’s how I started in the nursing program so quickly.”

“Why didn’t you continue?”

“He found out. That led to our second biggest argument.” She shakes her head. “I’m so weak. I wouldn’t be in this situation if Ihad stood up for myself and finished school. Working and studying is taking up my time, and I feel like I can’t be there as a mom.”

“I think you’re doing a great job.” I mean that wholeheartedly. The woman lost the love of her life and went back to school. Raising two kids alone while juggling work and school isn’t easy. She’s a lot stronger than she gives herself credit.

“Thanks. I’m trying, but it would be easier if the government sent me the money they owe me. Then, I wouldn’t have to work full time.”

“What do you mean? Hasn’t the army paid you the death gratuity?” I clamp my mouth shut, trying to rein in my temper and not come off too knowledgeable. But damn, I figured she would have received it by now.

“No, there’s some bullshit clerical error delaying payment. I mean, come on. Hit the transfer button already.” She blows out a frustrated breath. “Between that and a worthless insurance policy, I’m stuck. But that’s not your problem.”

The fuck it’s not.It’s good that I didn’t leave town when I contemplated it. Before I can respond, Mackenzie shakes her head and speaks.

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