Page 6 of Sworn to Protect

I force myself to sit on the edge of the bed and scrub my hand along my face.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Ethan.”

Guilt slams into me from saying his name out loud. Voicing his name makes his death more real. More final. I hate it. If I could reverse roles, I would switch in a heartbeat. It should be me left behind and Ethan here with Mackenzie and their two boys.Whoever said life isn’t fair knew what the fuck they were talking about.

I flip the bedside table lamp switch on and grab his letter off the table. Taking the palm of my hand, I iron the well-worn creases flat and proceed to read.

Nate,

Damn, this letter is harder to write than I thought. I’ve started and stopped so many times. I guess no one wants to stare death in the eyes and think about what happens after. That sort of shit thinking gets people killed. But relax and stop cursing. Trust me, I hear you. Every. Damn. Word. So don’t pretend you didn’t chastise me when you found this letter. And yeah, I know, it’s bad juju to write these stupid things. You’re probably wondering why mess with fate, then. Well, brother, I have to be honest. I don’t have a good feeling this time. I know the mission is supposed to be swift. In and out. There shouldn’t be a reason to write one damn word. And you’re right. I shouldn’t press my luck. But as you say, I’m a dumb motherfucker.

Don’t worry. I’ll leave out the mushy shit and spare you the tears. I only demand is for you to humor me and follow through with my wish. First, don’t beat yourself up. I know you tried like hell to save my sorry ass. Do not be swallowed by guilt. Shit happens on the field. It’s what I signed up for.

Now that the sentimental shit is out of the way, let’s get to the most important favor. Or should I say demand? You know how insistent I am once my mind is set. Being dead won’t change that. And since I’m dead,you’ll have to listen to me. Yes, I’m playing the dead card because you won’t like my stipulation.

You’re going to have to lie . . .

I stop reading and refold the paper before tossing it on the nightstand. I push off the bed and grab my running clothes. “I’m doing this for you, Ethan, since I owe you one. But you’re right. As soon as I’m sure she’s good, I’m out of here.”

My stomach tightens at that admission. Cue in the new wave of guilt followed by anger. But this annoyance isn’t derived from my doings for once.

The entire time I knew Ethan, he complained about being trapped. Ironically, he wasn’t talking about the army. He meant his family dynamic. After a long night of him fighting off insurgents while I treated the wounded, I asked him why he chose to be a part of the Ranger Regiment when he had a wife and two children back home. He told me he never asked for that life. Mackenzie had gotten pregnant, and he felt he had to do the right thing: marry her. But he hated that lifestyle. He made me believe she was this awful person.

The asshole.

Or should I say, dumb motherfucker?

How could he say those things about her? Or better yet, why wouldn’t he want to be with her? It makes no sense. From what little I’ve seen, Mackenzie is perfect. Not only is she knockdown gorgeous, but she has a little sass to her despite her shitty circumstances. But he got one thing right—she’s strong.

My feet pound against the pavement. I’m nothing but a hypocrite. Here I stand judging him while it’s me who took him away from her. It’s my fault I left her a widow and those kids fatherless. I need to stay the fuck away and not think about those green eyes boring into my soul. She looked at me, and I was ready to confess everything I knew. But I don’t want to leave before making sure she’s okay. Back in Afghanistan, I swore to protect her and the kids. It’s my duty. My honor. My last tribute to my fallen brother.But I have a feeling Ethan got another thing right about Mackenzie. She’ll definitely push me away if she finds out who I am.

No, there’s no point in upsetting her like that. No good can come of it. I can keep my hormones in check. It won’t be hard. She’s off-limits. I’m too old and too disciplined to fall for her. And my life is all about structure, even before the government had owned my ass.

When I come back from my morning run, I grab a shower. Mackenzie is settling well in Naperville. She has a job. Couple that with her military payoff, and her financials should be set. Overall, I’d say she’s in good shape. I’ll be able to pull out of town by evening. Better yet, by mid-afternoon, if the air conditioner part gets delivered. The mechanic should have my truck done today.

But after I get dressed, I don’t pack any of my clothes and toiletries. Instead, I find my feet stepping into Brewed Awakening. I’ll do one last check on her to test my theory that she’s okay.

CHAPTER FOUR

MACKENZIE

“Someone’s hereto visit their favorite barista,” Jill singsongs in a low hum.

I lift my gaze to the brooding man walking toward the counter. Unwelcome warmth flows through me, coating my insides like hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. Not that I would know how a cold winter’s day feels.

Bitterness coils in my gut.

I wanted to take a family skiing trip to the mountains, but Ethan said snow was overrated. He experienced enough cold and shitty conditions in the mountains in Afghanistan to have his fill. He promised to take me on vacation to the tropics, but that never panned out. We never went anywhere.

“I’m pretty sure the coffee has more to do with him being here than me,” I mumble, glad I took extra care in getting ready this morning. Not that I could act upon it, but boy, being noticed sure feels good. It has been years since anyone has noticed me.

“I don’t know. That man doesn’t stare at anyone else as he does you.”

Jill isn’t wrong. As Nate closes the distance, he directs his attention right to me. I ignore the small flip my stomachdoes as those light brown eyes hold mine captive. They’re striking and unusual. Almost golden, like honey.

“Good morning,” I manage to say around my suddenly dry mouth.

“Indeed, it is.” His low baritone voice works through me, and I suppress the grin threatening to form.

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