Page 18 of Sworn to Protect

My gaze lands on the moving boxes stacked against the wall, straight to a smaller box tucked within the pile. Tears well in my eyes, blurring my vision as a dull ache tightens my chest. Unwanted feelings worm their way through me, wrapping around my ribs like a vice. The larger chest of Ethan’s belongings sits in the far corner, a constant reminder. But this smaller box packs more punch. It holds his sentimental belongings from Afghanistan and what he had on him the day someone snatched his life away from us.

Maybe this is a sign I shouldn’t go to college.

Ethan and I used to argue about it. My dream of becoming a nurse shattered the day I learned I was pregnant. I met Ethan the summer before heading off to college. Those three months were a whirlwind. I fell hard and fast for his charm. When the pregnancy test revealed a positive sign, our world shifted. He had already enlisted in the army, and we were married before his basic training began. I tried to be a good wife, following him everywhere he was stationed and doing everything he asked, including giving up my dream. The resentment continued to build throughout the years, slowly siphoning my happiness.

No, I won’t drop out. I did that once and have regretted it ever since. I don’t regret the time spent with the kids, but I wouldn’t be in this financial mess had I set myself up better. I shouldn’t have listened to Ethan from the beginning.

I pick up the phone and pull up Nate’s contact with determination. I won’t let Ethan control me from the grave.

But my finger hovers over his name.

How can I ask a stranger to watch my kids? It seems so wrong. I stare at his contact name, Mr. Fix It, and laugh. Isn’t asking Sandy the same thing? I graduated with her, but we haven’t talked in years, making her a virtual stranger, too. I haven’t kept up with anyone since graduation, partly because life moved too fast: marriage, kids, deployments. It felt easier to distance myself than to explain why mydreams were on hold. Hell, I probably know Nate better than anyone in this town outside my immediate family and Jill.

“Mom, have you found out when soccer sign-ups are? I’ll need new cleats and shin guards.”

I drop the phone and look down at my growing boy. He’s shot up three inches since last summer. All these extra necessities cost money. Money I don’t have. The government’s delayed death gratuity isn’t helping, and every passing day tightens the financial noose around me. Their bullshit clerical error and promise of a quick fix do nothing to help cover today’s expenses. The bills keep piling up, and I feel the weight of every unpaid dollar pressing down on my chest, making it harder to breathe. It’s been three months.

And unbeknownst to me, Ethan borrowed against the life insurance policy I paid for faithfully. He was gone, along with the money. The gratuity payment will help, but it won’t carry me through the rest of my life. I need a good-paying job and my nursing license to get one.

“Not yet, honey. I’m sorry. I’ll find out tomorrow.”

“You keep saying that, but tomorrow never comes.” He stomps his foot. “I don’t want to miss any practices.”

“I know you don’t. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”

“You said I could join the soccer team here.”

I feel like I’m failing everything. “And you will. But first, we need to figure out tonight. You can’t go to my friend’s house anymore.”

“Why?”

“They have the flu. I can’t risk you guys getting it.” I ruffle his hair, earning me a groan, but he secretly loves it. An idea occurs. Perhaps asking Liam’s opinion will make him feel more involved? “Would you mind if Mr. Dixon watched you?”

“Really? Mr. Dixon’s so cool.” The high pitch of his tone surprises me. Gone is the scowl brought by my flubbing up the soccer sign-ups. I knew he liked Nate, but I didn’t realize how much.

Shocker. I actually did something good for a change.

“Okay. I’ll call him.”

“I’ll go tell Nick!”

Liam darts from the room. “He hasn’t agreed yet,” I yell after him. But I doubt Nate will say no. He still comes in every morning to get his coffee, even though Jill pointed out he could get free coffee at The Cabins. No matter how brief the encounters are, I find myself looking forward to them.

I press his number.

“Hello.” His rich voice rings through my ear, sending warmth down my spine. A dangerous warmth. I shouldn’t feel this way when I’m already drowning in responsibilities and doubts. Having him in my personal place is a bad idea. Perhaps my hesitation has more to do with that than my kids.

No, nothing is more important than them. I can’t believe I entertained the thought.

“Hey, this is Mackenzie. I need your help.”

CHAPTER NINE

NATE

I need your help.

Four words are all it takes to bring me to my knees.

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