Page 25 of Face Me Off

“What does that mean?” My brows furrow in confusion.

“Going to Stewart Academy meant upholding certain standards, and I already had a strike against me by being a scholarship kid. Being crowned the class clown wasn’t a title he wanted for me. He pushed me toward sports instead.” His mouth curves to that lopsided grin that stirs my insides. “Better choice, considering I fucking love hockey.”

“It would get further traction for sure.”

His smile disappears, causing a chill to run down my spine. The room temperature didn’t drop, but his mood sure did. I want to ask why he isn’t pursuing hockey, but something equally dumb falls from my mouth.

“Why did you use me to go out with Jade?”

He rears back as if I slapped him.

“You owe me a hard truth,” I add when he remains silent.

“Is that what you think? That I used you?”

“It’s what I know.”

His eyelids slam shut for a moment. Steely gray eyes hold mine when he reopens them. “I valued our friendship, Maddy. It killed me when we couldn’t remain friends. I need you to believe that.”

“I don’t understand why we couldn’t remain friends. What changed?”

His face looks pained, as if he wants to say something but can’t. It’s almost as if he’s holding something back. I can’t imagine what though.

“Everything changed after my dad’s fall. I—” He shakes his head and sits taller. “I thought I was doing us a favor by asking her out. It was the worst mistake I ever made.”

“Why?”

“Because it led to you hating me.”

But it’s getting harder and harder to maintain that hatred.

“That’s because I got to hear Jade’s constant babbling about your sexcapades.”

“Say what now?”

The shock in his tone throws me off. Surely, he isn’t this stupid. “You’re ‘wonderful night of lovemaking.’ That’s a direct quote, by the way.”

“There was no ‘lovemaking.’ In fact, we got into a huge fight because I kept watching you all evening.”

I blink, stunned. “You… you were watching me?”

Nodding, he gently tucks a loose curl behind my ear. “All night. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

My heart pounds in my chest like a runaway drumline. A part of me wants to believe him, but the wounds cut too deep. I was miserable that night. But now he’s saying he spent their date watching me? It doesn’t make sense.

“I don’t understand. Why’d you keep dating her?”

He shrugs uncomfortably, averting his gaze for the first time since we started this conversation. “I don’t know. Maybe I thought it would make me stop thinking about you.”

“And did it?” The question is out before I can stop it.

“No.”

I suck in a breath. The room feels as if it’s shrinking in on us. I can barely breathe.

“That’s… unexpected.”

Ryan rubs the back of his neck, looking more vulnerable than I’ve ever seen him. “Yeah... Well.” He shrugs and flashes me an awkward smile.

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