Page 11 of Face Me Off

“Which sucks.” I go to join her. “We always have a class together.”

She tilts her head, eyes narrowed. “Everything okay?”

I shrug, giving her a non-committal hum. The lie is bitter on my tongue, but I let it linger there.

“You sure?” She presses on, but worry creeps into her eyes.

“I’m good, really. Just glad to be here.”

“Oh, I take it summer with your parents didn’t go well?”

“No,” I groan, glad for the shift in thoughts. “I didn’t tell them about wanting to switch majors.”

“Madds, you can’t go through life trying to please your parents.”

“I know, but when I mention my art, Dad shoots it down. Every. Single. Time.” I toss my hands up in the air. “Why did I have to pretend to be a dentist once when I was young? It’s like a curse I can’t shake.”

“What?”

“Oh, I set up this elaborate dentist’s office and pretended to fix people’s teeth. My parents changed how they envisioned my life, and it’s haunted me ever since.”

“But it isn’t what you want to do now.”

“I know, but Dad’s comeback is always the same—art isn’t sustainable.” I mock his voice. “You need to keep true to yourself.” The man is totally clueless. My true self is being a creator. I’m caving under the pressure to perform.

“We argued the night of one of my friend’s party after he looked up my grade point average.”

“Your average is excellent,” she argues.

“But it dropped half a percentage.” That went over awful. “But he brought it up again that I’m his only hope since they can’t have other children, and I caved. As always. Because how can I argue the fact he’ll never have a son?”

“Madds, you can’t live in the shadow of what might have been.” Amanda’s voice is soft, her hand finding mine on the couch. “Your parents’ lost dreams of having other children … they’re not yours to carry.”

I turn my palm up, lacing our fingers together. The weight of her words settles heavily in my chest. She’s right, but pushing back against a lifetime of expectations is hard.

“Easier said than done,” I mumble. “It feels like I’m betraying them, you know?”

Amanda is quiet for a moment, her eyes thoughtful. “You’re not betraying them, Madds. You’re just being true to yourself.”

“And if being true to myself ends up hurting other people?” I ask, my voice trembling. It’s not just about my parents anymore; it’s about Ryan and Amanda and the tangled mess of feelings I can’t quite sort out.

“Well,” Amanda begins slowly, “sometimes we can’t control who we hurt. But we can control how honest we are with them and ourselves.”

I let out a sigh, leaning into Amanda’s shoulder. Her words make sense; they always do. But knowing what to do and actually doing it are two entirely different things.

As if reading my thoughts, she gives my hand a squeeze. “It’s okay to be scared, Madds. Change is scary. But you’re stronger than you think.”

I offer her a small smile, warmed by her words, even as my heart pounds with uncertainty.

CHAPTER FIVE

RYAN

“Meet you back at the house.”I salute my teammate and exit the weight room. This morning’s mandatory conditioning day was brutal. Despite how much I stay in shape through the summer, the first week of school is always rough.

I check the time and curse under my breath. Most of the guys on the team have slightly easier morning schedules. Me? I have a physics lecture across campus waiting for me. Professor Whitman is a stickler about punctuality, and the only thing he hates more than late students are hockey players. I learned that tidbit when I barely passed General Chemistry last year. He’ll permanently ban me to the sin bin if I show up late again this year.

I grab my bag and bolt from the locker room door when Coach’s voice booms into the hallway.

---