Page 92 of All Along

He sneers at me. “You don’t even know what danger feels like. You think a few bullies cornering you is danger.” He snorts. “So naïve.”

And now I’m done. I no longer put up with men who take their anger out on me. Ironically, it was Caleb who taught me that.

I stand. “I’m leaving.”

He shoos me toward the door. “Run away, little mouse. The adults are speaking now.”

My nostrils flare as anger builds in my chest. But I keep my mouth clamped shut. This isn’t my Caleb. The man I fell in love with. He’s lashing out because he doesn’t know how to handle his emotions.

“I’ll speak to you later.” After he’s had some time to process the news. And no longer feels the need to lash out.

“I can’t believe you’re fucking leaving me. After all the pushing and pushing you did, you’re leaving.”

Oh goodie. We’ve reached the passive aggressive portion of our evening. I’m opting out.

“I am not leaving you. I’m leaving for the moment.”

“Running away when you realize how hard it is to be with me? Typical.”

He’s starting to slur his words now. It won’t be long before he’s full on drunk. How he isn’t full on drunk now is beyond me. A few swigs of moonshine and I’m ready to jump into the ocean and fulfill all of my mermaid fantasies.

“I’m not running away.”

“You’re at the door. That’s the definition of running away.” He points to the door and nearly falls off the sofa.

Whatever patience I still had disappears. I’m done with him blaming me for the situation. It’s not my fault.

“No. Running away is when you listen to some asshole who tells you you’re not a man.”

He throws the bottle of moonshine across the room. It hits the wall and smashes into a million pieces. I lock my limbs before I rush to clean up the mess. This is not my mess to clean up.

“I’m not a fucking man. I’m a cripple.”

“Can you stop using the word cripple?”

“Why?” He sneers. “Does it bother you that you love a cripple? Or maybe you’re faking loving me because you pity me?”

“I’m not faking it. I love you, Caleb. I just don’t like you very much at the moment.”

“At the moment?” He opens his arms wide. “This is who I am.”

“No, this is you lashing out because you got some bad news today.”

“Bad news? My entire life is falling apart. It’s more than bad news.”

“Okay,” I concede. “You received devastating news today. But you’ll figure things out. This is a bump in the road. It’s not the end of the road.”

He slams his fist on his chest. “This is my road. I decide whether it’s a bump or the end.”

I need to leave. This discussion is not getting us anywhere.

“I’ll call you later.”

“Bye, bye, little mouse.”

I flinch at his use of the nickname my bullies used but I don’t say a word. It’s a waste of breath. He’s not listening to me.

I grab my bag and coat and open the door.

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