Page 19 of All Along

I ignore his response and plow forth. “Remember when I used to tutor you in math? You never could sit still long enough for me to explain the Pythagorean theory. Paisley claims I let you cheat. But I didn’t. You completed those math tests all on your own.”

I pause and wait for him to respond. To engage in some manner. The last time I was here he wouldn’t open the door but we did have a bit of a chat.

I wait some more but apparently, he’s not going to engage today.

Moving on to Plan B. The plan where I stop making it all about me.

“Caleb, are you okay? Nova said you’re injured.”

He stomps to the door but he doesn’t open it. “What the hell did Nova say?”

His obvious anger has me backtracking. “She didn’t give me any details. She merely pointed out how you wouldn’t be on Smuggler’s Hideaway if something wasn’t wrong. After all, you haven’t visited since you left.”

My heart squeezes. We’re friends and yet he never bothered to visit me over the past decade. His family met up with himin various places for holidays but I was never invited. He never even told me about those visits. I found out via the smuggler’s grapevine.

“Caleb.” I place my hand on the door. I wish I could touch him. Hold him in my arms and comfort him but he won’t let me. He won’t even open the door. “Are you okay?”

“Fucking fabulous.”

I frown. High school Caleb swore here and there. Mostly to be a rebellious teen. But grown-up Caleb swears like a sailor. Or a soldier, I should say.

“I don’t believe you.”

“Are you saying I’m a liar, Mouse?”

How dare he call me mouse? Friends are not assholes to each other. And I won’t stand for it. I’m shy, not a pushover.

“Do not call me Mouse! You hear me. I am not a mouse.”

Mouse is the nickname the bullies in school used. Mostly, I ignored them. Bullies lose their power when they’re ignored.

But sometimes they’d corner me in the hallway at school. Surrounded by a crowd of people with a group of boys encircling me is my personal nightmare. A few times Caleb saved me from those bullies. He knows exactly how I feel about the name mouse.

“Sorry, Mouse.”

I slam my hand against the door. “Damnit, Caleb. You can’t apologize for calling me mouse by calling me mouse again.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you.”

“Liar.”

Who is this asshole? This isn’t the Caleb I know. The one who saved me from bullies. The one who’s written me letters – real letters, not emails – for the past decade. The one who sent me a surprise gift for my twenty-first birthday – a turquoise bracelet I wear all the time.

“I want to help you.”

He snorts. “By helping yourself.”

“How am I helping myself? I brought you a basket of food and I’m worried about you. This isn’t about me.”

“There’s no need to worry about me.”

“Then, why won’t you open this door? Why won’t you let me inside? Why can’t we speak face-to-face? Why do you think everyone in your life is better off without you?”

“Why? Why? Why? It’s all about Maya.”

I stop myself before I shout in response. Shouting through the door at each other is not getting us anywhere. Although, it may keep me warm out here.

---