Page 22 of Scoring Grey

“So since you took it off that day, you didn’t put it back on because it meant you might lose?”

“No, I never put it back on because I took it off that day with the intention of giving it to someone else.”

Her eyes slowly pull away from the chain and rise to mine.

My hands come up and wrap around hers. “Can I show you something?”

She nods but gives me no words as she stands still like stone. I know something happened that night. Something she’s not ready to share, and because I know words only go so far, I’m hoping reading the ones written on my heart six years ago will break down one more barrier and bring us closer to where we were always meant to be. Together. I grab the duffle bag I tossed in here before my shower, pull out my playbook, and flip to the entry I remember writing like it was yesterday.

Playbook:

Winning Grey

Many things feel uncertain right now, and I think that’s been weighing on Eloise. She’s my girl. She knows that, or at least I thought she did, but we’re seniors this year, and while we’ve loosely talked about what happens after school, we have yet to talk about what happens to us after graduation. I haven’t brought it up because I don’t know where I’ll be. The only thing I know for sure is that wherever I choose to go, it means I won’t be here. I can’t stay here, and that means I’m leaving her. Fuck. Just the thought of not seeing her every day makes me want to puke. She’s my whole world.

This is why you haven’t said anything, you fucktard. You can’t even get through writing this entry without hurting. But that’s how you know it’s real. She’s not going to say no. It doesn’t matter that the ring only costs a couple hundred dollars. Eloise isn’t like the other girls at school who come from money and won’t accept anything less than a carat more than what their friend’s boyfriend gave his girl. Yes, she pushes your buttons and keeps you on your toes. She tests your limits and even your trust most days, but I think deep down you crave it because hard love is still love.

She keeps you at arm’s length for the same reasons writing this tears you up inside. Love is fucking scary, but so is living without your person. You took it off with a promise in your heart. One that said you want to be hers forever, and I challenge you not to put it back on. Putting it back on means you didn’t suit up, you didn’t play your hardest to win the thing you want the most. Putting it back on means you lost the girl. Don’t lose the girl. Tonight, you win Grey. Tonight, you play for keeps.

The sound of her stuttered breath as her fingers slowly brush over the page tells me she’s read every last word. Ones I planned on giving her the night I lost her. Standing behind her, I unclasp my necklace and hold it out in front of her. “I didn’t put it back on because it meant I lost you. That’s one loss I’d never recover from. Eloise, will you wear my ring and accept the promise I’ve held in my heart since the day I took it off.”

“You love me?”

“Are you really asking me that?”

She closes the book and slowly turns around, her glassy eyes locking on mine. “I mean, you love me, not because I’m the mother of your child but because you loved me then.”

“God, yes.” I pull her into my chest, unable to look a second longer at the doubt that lingered, doubt that I fostered with my own childish behavior. I kiss the top of her head. “Blondie, we have so much to talk about. This is only week one, but, Eloise, it’s week one of forever for me. I have to leave tonight, but when I get back, it’s time. Please tell me you agree. Tell me you’re just as tired of fighting this as I am. We’re only hurting each other. I’m tired of hurting and seeing the look in your eyes seconds ago, the one that believed for one second she wasn’t my everything. It almost brought me to my knees.”

I feel her nod in agreement before she says, “Okay.”

I pull back enough to separate a few inches to cup her face and look into her eyes. “Will you wear my ring around your neck knowing what it means?”

I don’t say the words. She just read them; she’s aware I feel them, and I don’t want to push her away by laying too much at her feet at once. That’s the thing with Eloise. She’s hard to love. She’ll run before she stays because running means she gets to keep her secrets and protect what she believes is an unbroken heart. But I know better. It broke a long time ago. All this time, she’s only been trying to put it back together.

“Under one condition.”

I raise a brow. “I’m listening.”

“I want the truth.”

“Always. I’ve never lied to you.”

“You said you never brought women here.”

“I didn’t lie about that.”

“Then how do you explain that corner?”

I don’t need to look over my shoulder; I’m already aware of what she spotted. It was the other surprise I had for her to find, but we never got to it after she saw the painting studio I set up in my living room. “I had those items ordered for you. It was one of the surprises I had for you to find.”

“Why would you buy me clothes?”

I roll my lips to hold back my smile, but I know the color in my cheeks is probably giving me away. “I expected you to stay here with me, and I knew you’d be here for a few events I have to attend, and I hoped you’d go with me, so I bought you some dresses and…” I cough as I spin her around and clasp my ring around her neck. “Some of the other things were for sleeping.”

“You bought me lingerie.”

“No…”

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