Page 72 of Lust

He raises his hands in surrender. “Fair point.” He sizes me up. “So how are you feeling? From today’s meeting, I mean.”

“Feels better now that everyone’s talking.”

“I figured.”

“But it was also frustrating that I didn’t have much to contribute to a conversation that was about me. Made me feel like a tool you guys are using rather than someone who can actively help.”

His brow creases. “We just happen to know more about what’s going on. Hell, you’re picking up more about this than any of us did back when we first stumbled upon it.”

It doesn’t cheer me up. Although, knowing that every moment that passes could lead to us seeing another missing person report in the news, wondering if it’s connected to that creature, doesn’t help either.

“We’re all figuring this out as we go,” Brad says, and I nod. “Anyway, forget I brought it up. How about we pretend for the next hour that we don’t know anything about the Sinners’ bible or the Rift or powers or the Moment?”

“I don’t know how good I’ll be at this game,” I confess. I doubt I’ll be able to stop thinking about those things. Feels like there’s a weight on me; like it’s hard to breathe.

Brad reaches across the table, sets his hand on mine, gripping gently. His touch feels so supportive, so comforting. It’s different than how we usually spend our time together, when we let raw, wild passion possess us.

It’s nice.

I rub my thumb along his finger, and our gazes meet before he smirks.

“This is…uh…weird for me,” he says. “Putting my hand on yours like this.”

But he doesn’t pull away.

“Weird like you’re wondering why you did it, or weird like you’re surprised you like it?”

“Both, maybe,” he says with a chuckle. “I don’t really date. Just have fun. Prefer to keep it that way. Because of the shit with my family, I have a hard time getting close to people.”

“That makes sense.”

“You’ve had girlfriends, so I guess this is something you’re used to.”

“The last girlfriend I had was freshman year of high school. That was before Mom passed.” I cringe. “I can’t believe I just said that. I fucking hate when people say ‘passed.’ Died. She fucking died.”

Brad’s eyes widen.

“Sorry, after my parents died, people kept saying things like how they ‘passed’ or ‘moved on.’ I was ten when Dad had the aneurysm. It was hard to let it sink in, and words like that didn’t help me grasp what was going on. That he was never coming back. I was fourteen when Mom died, and I kept repeating to myself that she was dead so that it’d get through. I didn’t want to have any fantasy that she was going to walk through the door and give me a hug because no matter how many times I wished or prayed for it with Dad, it never worked.”

Brad tightens his hold. I can feel his support and compassion, but I want to blow past this awkward moment I created.

“Anyway, after she died, I broke it off with the girl I was seeing. I needed time to myself. I would mess around with girls, but not go on dates or anything. I guess…I guess I just had this feeling that if I did get close to someone else, then…” I don’t finish my sentence; he can fill in the blanks.

“I can understand that,” he says, but then his expression twists up. “Fuck, I ran right into that same mistake as earlier. Ican’tunderstand what you went through—”

“I get what you’re saying, Brad. It was thoughtful of you. I’m sorry I jumped on you earlier.”

“You get to pay me back for how we started off…maybe for another week or two,” he jokes, rubbing his thumb against my hand again. “I know I said it was weird, but it also feels right.”

As I roll my hand over, he loosens his grip, and when the back of my hand’s on the table, he grips it again.

“Reallyright,” he whispers, so low it’s almost like he didn’t intend for me to hear. He gulps, then his breath hitches, his gaze wavering before he says, “Luke, I like you.”

“If I couldn’t tell that from this weekend, I’d be pretty dense.”

“No, beyond that stuff. Certainly doesn’t hurt that we have fun in the bedroom, but I like getting to know you. I like when you talk to me about your past and share things that don’t have anything to do with the Sinners. Back when we started messing around, I knew it was the Lust drawing me to you, and maybe that’s still true physically, but what I’m interested in now is beyond that.”

Since he’s confessed what he’s experiencing, I don’t hold back either. “It’s that way for me too.”

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