Page 133 of The Sun and Her Star

His face hardens, and he stands up. The change in his demeanor is so swift that I lean back in surprise. “What other way? Wereyougoing to give me the money?” He starts to pace, and I hate that I can’t get up and put my arms around him.

“Wait, no—”

“I couldn’t have found a job that paid whatthatdid. And I wasn’t going to let my mother die.” He laughs, and it’s dark and humorless. It is slathered in a despair I now know has been eating him alive for years. I wish I had been able to kill Nanette.

“Iwasn’t,”he repeats emphatically without looking at me. “I said no at first. I turned her down. And then, Mama took a turn for the worse. Suddenly, sex with strangers didn’t seem like such a high price to pay for my mother’s life. I agonized over what it would mean for you and me. I couldn’t touch you Apollo. Not when I was still doing … that.”

His anger loses its steam and he falls back into his chair, his broad shoulders sagging, his head hanging as he stares into his lap. I stare at his head and recall the day I saw him tied to that tree, so broken. I had left there on a mission. To do whatever I could to make sure he survived.

It did it. I got that letter into the mail.

He survived that and he—no,we, would survive this. But first, I had to give him some hard truths. Get some things off my chest, too.

“I was angrier than I’ve ever been in my life this morning, Graham,” I tell the top of his still bowed head..

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers his eyes not leaving the table.

“You should be.” I soften my voice, take away the anger because it has no place between us.

Not now.

“I hate that you experienced that all by yourself. That you felt like you couldn’t tell me. That you thought I’d leave you.” Tears clog my throat, and I have to swallow hard to push them back. “Do you think I wouldn’t do the same thing right now if it meant I could have my sister back? Would you leaveme?” I ask him even though I already know the answer.

“Never,” he says without hesitation and for the first time, meeting my eyes. The fierce love shining out of those stormy grays, puts the wind back in my sails.

“Of course, you wouldn’t. So, why do you think I would? Do you love me more than I love you?” I smile at the man whose big beautiful heart has held mine in a glorious snare for more than half my life.

“No ...”

“What? You’re only good for your body? Your face? If that’s what you think, then you’re missing out on the greatest parts of Graham Star Davis.”

He laughs without any humor. “You and Mama are the only ones who seem to think that. Nanette certainly didn’t think I—”

“She’s not fit to lick dog shit off your shoe.” I say in disgust and anger that is bubbling inside me.God.I wish I’d been the one to break her nose. If that waiter hadn’t tackled me…

He narrows his eyes at me and cocks his head to the side,“How did you know where she was? When you got out of the cab to ‘use the bathroom,’ you managed to find her really quickly,” he says.

I flush with embarrassment at my little disappearing act. “Lucas. He’s been seeing her. For months. She approached him at a bar, we had just broken up.. Can you believe thatI’dseen her walking into his place twice and didn’t even realize it was her?

“Lucas?” he asks in disbelief. I still can’t believe it myself.

“He didn’t know who she was until the day after you left for LA and he overheard…hertalking to someone about you.” I don’t want to say her name again.

“He texted me this morning. I didn’t see it until we landed. He was frantic about the news he’d been seeing, and he was scared that somehow, she’d used him to get close to you. I still don’t know what she wanted with him, but he was ready to give her up. He invited her to breakfast and then shared his location with me. So, I called Reena and told her I was going to kill that crone.”

Bile rises in my throat, and I take a few deep breaths before I continue. Graham is staring at the table, his head shaking back and forth.

“She told meshetook your virginity,” I grind out. He flushes hot and red. His eyes widen with surprise before they narrow defensively.

“It didn’t mean anything and … I wasn’t your first either.”

“But itshouldhave meant something.” He looks at me wearily like I’m telling him what he already knows. “I wish it had been me,” I add.

“Me, too,” he whispers without looking at me.

Suddenly, I can’t look at him either. But I want him to know what sent me over the edge. “When she told me that … It was like being hurled back in time, at the speed of light. Suddenly, I was back in your apartment, five years ago. And I was enraged.” My hand clenches into a fist at the memory. I stare up at the fluorescent light on the ceiling in amazement. “I was so mad at you. And the thing I resented more than anything was that you had deprived me of giving my virginity to my soul mate.” I wince at the agony I’d been in for the year following our fight. I look up at him then. He looks mesmerized. He doesn’t move a muscle; he’s just watching me like he used to when I read to him sometimes in our hammock.

So, I tell him the story

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