Page 108 of The Sun and Her Star

“I don’t want to. I don’t know if there’s going to be a Graham and me.” I confess the fear that’s been niggling at me.

“Why not? He’s crazy about you,” she says.

“For now. I can’t compete with the life he’s used to. What if he gets bored?”

“Apollo. You said he told you he’s been in love with you since he was fourteen. I mean, is fourteenyearsnot enough to know whether or not he’s got staying power?” she asks exasperation edging her voice.

“Well, being in love with me didn’t stop him from breaking my heart … I don’t understand. But I mean, I guess guys need to do that. Sow their wild oats and all …” I frown miserably and rest my chin in my hands. “This is all in the past. I want to leave it there, I don’t believe he’s being dishonest. I would know …” I trail off because there’s something I can’t put my finger on. A memory that’s niggling in the corner of my mind.

“Exactly.” She nods and grins. “See? You already know.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Apollo. Stop making excuses.” Her voice has a sharpness that is rarely present. “You’re scared. I get it. But love is scary. You were with Lucas for four years. I never once heard you complain when he started pulling away from you. Hell, you didn’t even bat an eye when I told you he’s got some random pussy coming in and out of his place.”

“It’s been over for a long time,” I say sullenly.

“Did it ever really start to begin with? I get it, he’s safe. But Apollo, who wants safe when you can have the thrill of loving someone so much it aches when you’re not together?”

“I don’t want to ache,” I moan.

“Then give Graham to me,” she deadpans. My stomach lurches at the idea.

“You should see your face.” She claps and cackles. “I love Jason, but shit, I’d drop him like a hot potato if Graham Davis was professing his love to me.”

“Don’t talk about him like he’s an object. He’s aperson. I know he loves me. I know he cares. But what if the draw of that life is too hard for him to resist? I mean,whyis Nanette here?” I throw my hands up in exasperation.

“Listen, I can’t convince you of anything you don’t want to believe. You can decide that you don’t want to give him the chance to break your heart and go on with your life. But, that won’t stop you from loving him. It will only deprive you of having all of the delicious sweet that he’ll give you along with the inevitable hurt.”

“Why does it have to be inevitable?” I ask miserably.

“Darling, you of all people … should know this,” she says gently, squeezing me to soften the blow of her words.

“I do.” I think of Artemis and my father dying. Of my mother’s retreat. I know all too well.

“But would you trade a minute of the time you had with them if it meant you could spend the rest of your life without the pain of missing them?”

I gaze at Reena’s face and marvel how this woman who pushed her way into my life has become such an essential part of it. She’s been more than a friend. She’s been my sister, my mother, my confessor.

“I love you,” I tell her.

“Me, too. But if you ruin the best chance I’ll ever have of meeting Omar Solomon, I’m going to fucking disown you.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” I tell her. “Good girl. Now, let’s get back to shopping. That crone killed my vibe. I need to make sure I’m dressed to kill tomorrow.”

Decide

Graham

“Graham, hey. Glad I caught you,” Lucas, orLoseras I like to think of him, sticks his Gucci loafer clad foot into the door of the elevator right before it closed completely. The double chrome doors pop back open, and he steps in. The shit-eating grin on his face irritates me, but I smile and say, “Yeah, lucky chance.”

I just started to forget that he existed. Apollo never mentions him. We see each other several times a week, and there hadn’t been a night that I’d called that she wasn’t free to meet me for dinner or drinks. Then, tonight, I invited her to have drinks, and she responds that she has a headache. I decided to stop by and check on her. It hadn’t occurred to me that she wouldn’t be alone.

Did she invite him over?

“You know, I’ve been hoping I would bump into you. Did Apollo mention that I wanted to get on your calendar?” His smile is so self-satisfied.

“Is Apollo expecting you?” I ask him.

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