Page 9 of The Sun and Her Star

I slow down but give her a disbelieving frown. “Even if your house was right here, no way could you see all the way up there from your window. It’s too far.”

“I have a telescope. My father gave it to me so I could watch the stars, but I also use it to see things that are far away. Like the cliff.”

I almost ask her what a telescope is but decide to save it for tomorrow.

If she’s only going to be here for a couple weeks, then I gotta make sure she doesn’t tell me everything all at once.

“So, you just decided to walk up there and jump off? That’s kinda crazy.” I give her a sideways frown.

She shoves me playfully. “I told you,” she giggles, and it’s catching because I laugh a little too.

“I went up there because I wanted to check it out, but when I realized how high up I was, I was gonna leave. When I turned around to pick up my stuff, I tripped on a rock and fell.”

She says all of this like it’s a good thing. I look down at her, and she smiles up at me and sidles up to me and takes my hand in hers.

“It’s lucky you were here, Graham,” she says softly.

I pull my hand out of hers and pick up my pace, so she can’t see my red face.

I’m not anyone’s hero. I’m a skinny, weird kid who reads in secret because I live in a town where no one’s allowed to read, and everyone’s miserable.

Except for me.

I’m miserableandangry.

I feel like the rest of the world is happening, and somehow, they forgot to include me.

“Let’s hurry. I need to get you home before it’s dark,” I say over my shoulder.

She jogs up to my side again and chatters non stop. Instead of feeling annoyed, I feel…happy.

It’s been so long since I felt it, that it takes me a moment to identify it. It feels really good.

I smile down at her and slow down a little.

She smiles up at me gratefully before she starts talking again.

Envy

Graham

My stomach grumbles as I climb out of my canoe. The sun has set, and my soaked clothes stick to me in cold patches that make me wish I was naked. I use my towel to protect my book and wring out my clothes as best I can.

On my walk home, for the first time ever, I notice how quiet these woods are. Or, maybe it just feels like it is because I don’t have a chatterbox girl walking with me.

My excitement at having made a new friend is mixed up with a feeling that I know really well. Envy.

Then, I feel a flush of shame. I’m jealous of a weird looking, clumsy, tiny, ten-year-old girl. But I can’t help it. Because she’s happy, even when she shouldn’t be.

And because she gets to live somewhere other than here. She has a suitcase full of books and more where those came from.

She asked me to come up to her house and meet her aunt. But I couldn’t do that. We’re not supposed to make ourselves knows to outsiders. We’re supposed to avoid them if we see them. My stepfather says that if people find out about us, they’ll come and take us all to jail. If it was just him, I wouldn’t mind. But I would never do anything that would make my mama even sadder.

At the thought of her, I pick up my pace. I’m already late. I know Mama’s probably already had to cover for me. If I’m much later, he’ll come looking.

He might find the hole in the fence I slip through to get to the woods.

He might find out Mama’s been covering for me.

---