Page 4 of Between Now and Always

“Youare. You can’t make this decision based on a lie,” he says. The dam holding back the raging river of emotion inside of me starts to crack. Bitter resentment claws its way up my throat.

“My entire existence is a lie, Phil. What’s one more log on the fire?” My voice breaks and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.

His expression goes from censorious to tormented. “I know I let you down. But, I won’t again, I swear,” he whispers. He pulls back the cuff of his shirtsleeves and shows me the tiny tattoo on his wrist. “Live Free Or Die Trying.”

“It’s beautiful,” I say, and run my fingers over the precious words.

“This is what you want, right?” he asks.

I nod, I can’t lie about this.

“See? I know you —blood of my blood. That’sallyou want. Come on. You need to know who you’re really marrying.” He starts to pull me down the hall, again.

“Phil, Iknowhe’s with someone,” I call, digging my heels in again.

He stops so suddenly that I stumble.

“Who’swith someone?” His eyes are narrowed with confusion.

I blow out an exasperated breath.“Duke, you’re taking me to bust in on his little hook up, right?”

His eyes narrow, the glint in them gone and replaced by a cold anger. “He’s with someone right now? On yourfuckingwedding day?” He asks, his voice has dropped to a growl.

“It’sfine.I don’t care. I just want to get this over with and go home,” I say between gritted teeth.

He puts his hands on my shoulders and bends a little so we’re eye to eye.

“That devil has made hell feel like home. But, it’s not. This is nothome.Not for either of us.”

“Then why areyoustill here, Phil? Why aren’t you swimming with turtles or whatever,” I say with deliberate disdain.

He doesn’t even blink.

“I’m here for you and for Cam. Iwantto help. Let me, please.” He makes it sound so simple.

Iwantto believe him. My heart is desperate for the relief he’s promising. But his words, as nice as they sound, are justthat - words. I’ve built my hopes on those before and paid dearly for it. And now, I have even more to lose.

His eyes just get warmer, softer, more imploring. “I love you. I know you’re scared, but you can do this.” His last sentence is an oath.

“You can’t help,” I hiss, striking out, desperate to stop him from peeling back walls I’ve built around my vulnerability.

“There is someone waiting to talk to you. Give him five minutes. And if you walk out of there still sure that you want to marry Duke, I won’t say another word.”

“Phil--” I want to say no. Instead, my heart quivers, my will quakes and the walls around it are crumbling with each tender word he speaks.

“Five minutes,” he asks, his face solemn.

I nod and follow him down the hall.

“I’ll wait out here,” Phil says when we get to the room that doubles as a library and a study.

“You’re not coming in?” Trepidation sends tingles down my spine.

“No, I’ll make sure you’re not interrupted.”

I swallow audibly and look between him and the door.

“I don’t like surprises. Just tell me what’s going on.”

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