Page 2 of Between Now and Always

“Phil, can you take Cameron inside for me? See if you can find Serene and ask her to give her a snack. I want her nice and satisfied before we all head over. Last thing I need is for her to be cranky this afternoon.”

“I’ll take her to get a snack myself,” Phil says his excitement evident by the buoyant lilt of his voice. He reaches over and takes hold of an equally delighted Cameron.

“That’s fine, just don’t let her eat any junk. Fruit or rice cakes only,” Fiona says, shooting one last warning glance at Phil before she teeters off to take her place next to my father.

“Come on, baby girl. We can do better than that, let’s go see what we can find in the kitchen.” Phil says in a mock hushed tone. Cameron clasps her tiny hands around his neck and looks up into his face with solemn, searching eyes.

After a few seconds, she says “Chocolate,”

Phil nods, his expression as solemn as hers “Always, chocolate,” he responds as if he’s making a vow. Then he nuzzles her neck with his nose. Her giggle sounds like bells bubbling up her throat reaching its crescendo when she throws her head back, her little brown curls glow like amber as they catch the sun’s rays. Her radiant smile is the picture of happiness.

Her giggles turn into shrieks of delight as he spins her around a few times, laughing and watching her like she’s the eighth wonder of the world.

My breath catches and my heart skips a beat.

I’ve been so busy avoiding Phil - I missed the evolution of their relationship from strangers to brother and sister. A pang of longing for the whimsy and ease between them hits me hard and unexpected.

But as I watch them, relief accompanies, and then overshadows the jealousy at their obvious mutual infatuation.

I know firsthand that children need a village to raise them. I’ve been worried that hers is so small. I’m grateful and soothed to see that she has another person in her life who loves her like this.

“More,” Cameron chortles and tugs at his neck.

“No more spinning for you, princess. Your mama will have a fit if you get sick all over her pretty dress. Okay?” Phil eyes her, waiting for her to respond.

“Okay,” she says, her little voice quavering, but her little mouth is set in a brave, solemn smile. She nods up at Phil, her eyes full of hero worship.

They press their foreheads together for a brief but endearing snuggle, and just like that they’ve got a deal. My eyes mist again,but I don’t mind this time. Because for the first time in a long time, they’re happy tears.

“Are you happy, Cam?” I ask.

She turns to look at me and her smile is positively beatific. The unmitigated trust shining in her hazel eyes is everything I hold dear and my heart beats a little harder every time I look into them.

“I happy. Uh-huh,” she says and reaches out for me with one plump arm.

I glance at Phil and find him watching with me an intensity that makes me feel like he can see straight into my head. He’s not letting up because he knows I don’t want to do this. He can tell, even though I’ve put on a meticulous and disciplined show of being the perfect town princess.

Even Dina seems to think that this is what I want, and she’s stopped trying to talk me out of it.

But, he isn’t giving up because heknowssomehow, that this is not what I would choose.

Cameron’s arm slides around my neck and Phil’s wraps around my back and they pull me into a hug. I stiffen in surprise, for a second, I haven’t had a group hug like this since we were all here together…and I’d forgotten how good it feels to be part of a unit like this. We’re all Drew Wolfe’s children. And we’re the only people on earth who understand what that means. And it’s nice to be able to put my arms around them. I wish our parents weren’t such losers. And that we’d had a chance to get to know each other and really be a family.

I lean into their embrace and savor this feeling..

“Let me help you,” Phil whispers in my ear, shattering my tranquility so abruptly that my emergency walls go up before those words find their way into my head.

I’ve been fine, committed, pragmatic, and focused. But today, on the day where I actually have todothis thing, I’m weak.

Phil is on a mission. Hecouldconvince me and then, where would I be?

The wave of panic I beat back in the bathroom sticks its thumb out to test the wind.

I pull out of the hug as casually as I can and act as if I didn’t hear Phil and smile at them both.

“You need to get Cam a snack, remember?” I chide him somehow managing to speak through my emotion clogged throat.

“Come inside with us,” Phil’s tone has softened and I give him a narrow eyed glance.

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