Page 89 of Between Now and Always

“I don’t think so. He’s terrible to her and he cheats on her. And she takes it.”

“You cannot save anyone until you’re able to save yourself. I am lucky. The man I’m with, he loves me. But Andrew made coming back for you impossible.”

I study her, seeing her clearly for the first time ever.

She’s not my mother in anything more than name. But I can see how she might have been if my father hadn’t driven her away. I understand the need to draw breath that’s not tainted by someone else’s desires. I’m gripped with a fierce conviction, give it voice before I lose my nerve.

“We have a lot of time to make up for, but I don’t want to spend another minute of it as strangers.”

“Oh, God, Elisabeth. Do you mean it?” She asks, tears falling down her face.

“Yes. And if Michael is willing. I’d like to meet him, too.”

I Want To Lie To You.

CARTER

I watch Beth sleeping, and hate that I’m going to have to disturb her well-earned sleep.

She was exhausted when we got back to the hotel. We went to meet her biological father, and was at their house until late last night.

I’m so proud of her.

She’s taught me what true courage looks like. It’s not pretending to be fearless, it’s making space for the fear and using it as fuel.

She’s faced and vanquished all of her demons. And I’ve been such a coward.

I stare at the necklace as it glints in a spectacular line down the center of her graceful back. I promised her something the day I gave it to her.

Then, In my panic and determination to keep her and myself safe, I almost ruined everything.

I have to come clean. If I don’t, one day she’ll find out and any hope I have of regaining her trust, would be gone.

But worse, If I can’t find the courage to tell her the truth, I don’t deserve her trust. I just hope she can understand the choice I made. Because,thatI’m not sorry for.

I place a light kiss on her sweet lips and stroke the top of her cheekbone where her sable lashes cast a feathery shade.

Her eyes flutter open and I lose my heart all over again.

“Morning,” she murmurs with a drowsy smile. She blinks at the small clock by the bed, and her eyes narrow.

“It’s 6:30. I thought we were going to sleep in.” She comes fully awake and the longer she looks at me, the more wary her expression grows.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have something to tell you,” I say.

She sits up and pulls the sheet over her breasts and crosses her arms over her chest. She searches my face intently and then she presses her lips together and nods sharply, signaling that she’s ready. “Go ahead.”

“Yesterday morning, Duke called Dean Orleans and asked him to pass on a message.”

Her hand flies to cover her mouth and her eyes widen in horror.

“What? Why? How?”

I answer the question I know she’s really asking.”

“He’d seen the CNN story about us and was threatening to expose us.”

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