Page 8 of Between Now and Always

My throat is raw, as if I’ve been screaming.

Too late, I realize the monumental proportion of my error.

This pain isn’t the kind that will make me stronger.

It’s the kind I will wish I hadn’t survived.

I have to get out here.

Like the devil himself is chasing me, I surge to my feet and ignore the shocked gasps of my pew mates when trip backwards and trample their toes and knees in my uncoordinated attempt to stand up straight.

I stumble the into the outer aisle and push open a swinging door that leads to hallway. There’s a door with a huge exit sign above and I stride out of the church.

I don’t stop until I get to my rental car. I never look back. I focus on putting distance between me and the hellhole of a town.

The hollowed out place inside that used to be filled with all of the promises I made the woman I love is raw and aching. But in the months to come, it will be the source of all my inspiration.

Because as I drive away, a song starts to come together in my head and I know I’ll never put it to paper. This is a song about the new chapter, the one I’m facing without her. One I’ll never finish writing because it’s an endless stretch of time.

This is the beginning of a new us.

This is the start of a new world.

One where we learn to live without each other

One where all we do is miss each other.

Tied together, but pulled apart,

And somehow this feels like just the start.

It’s definitely not the end.

‘Cause we’re us….

And us, is forever.

I Do

LIZ

I had just walked out of the library when my father appeared in the hallway. It was time to leave for the church. I was too dumbstruck to do anything but comply.

I was trying to wrap my head around the story Will Oh told me. My entire life changed in a matter of minutes, and I was trying to figure what to do.

Phil’s bitter disappointment surged and crested on our ride over to the church. I wanted to reassure him but I was still trying to harness my thoughts in the midst of a tempest that was blowing through my mind.

When I slipped my hands into my father’s, he marched into the church without looking back at me.

My wedding party has just walked down the aisle and my mind is still like a snowed out screen.

Then my song cues up.

I picked this song for my processional so that he’d be with me as I made the most difficult walk of my life.

Now, I realize how silly that was.

Carter has always been my muse. But, he’snothere.

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