Page 55 of Between Now and Always

“Oh Joe.” My heart is a tender, undercooked piece of meat I’ve long stopped trying to control. But, today I wish I could do something to stop the hurt I’m feeling. To be able to do something to make my friend feel better.

Ryan clears his throat.“Um, my real name is Happiness,” his words sound like a confession and I turn to where Nadia’s sitting and see that it’s not news to her.

“Talk about a misnomer,” Jack says under his breath, and Nadia shoots him a withering glare.

“My father is dead, my brother is in jail for killing him during one of their drunken rages. But I only know that because I read it in the paper. I ran away from home when I was a teenager and left my sister who was just a little girl and mom alone with my father who was an abusive alcoholic. I changed my name and I haven’t spoken to my family in almost twenty years. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to reach out to my sister. But, I’m so ashamed of how I abandoned her I didn’t think I had the right. Beth, it was that speech you gave last week gave me the courage to tell Nadia. I was scared, but I knew she was the right person.”

“Oh, Ryan…” Nadia breathes admiration shining in her eyes.

She steps into him and he wraps an arm around her.

“I’d forgotten what honesty, forgiveness and mercy looked like until you brought me into your fold. And it’s given me the courage to try again. I love you.” He smiles around at all of us.

Joe lets go of my hands and I turn to find him staring at the floor.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He won’t look up at me. “I’m sorry if I messed up your Thanksgiving. I know what I did was unforgivable.”

“Of course it is forgivable. But that has to start with you,” I say fiercely and look at Porsha for help. She’s staring blankly, like she’s in a trance.

“Listen up,” Penn orders in a loud voice that gets everyone’s attention.

“None of us here have pretty stories. But that doesn’t mean we don’t deserve the love and companionship in this room. Today is Thanksgiving. Let’s just be grateful,” She comes to stand in front of me and Joe and holds out a hand to each of us. I only hesitate of a beat before I take it.

“DNA doesn’t bind us.Lovedoes. It’s easy to forget because for most of us, the families we’re born into is our first experience with relationships. But it’s the relationships we choose that define us. I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much,” she says to Joe.

“You can’t do a thing to change it. Yes, your wife couldn’t hack and she left you. But we won’t. I promise. Because that’s thechoicewe’re making.” “Let’s do this every year, okay?” Nadia squeezes Ryan’s waist and he drops a kiss on her lips.

My eyes, like they have a will of their own turn to Carter. He’s watching them, too. And he looks as miserable as I feel.

This is Killing Me

BETH

The dinner we ate is as nontraditional as the gathering of people around the table. Instead of a turkey, Penn served a whole roast leg of lamb, with potatoes that had been cooked until they were crisp on the outside, but sweet and creamy on the inside. The buttery green peas were sautéed in onions and garlic, swimming in a mint sauce that I helped Penn make.

We’ve demolished it and now sit gathered around her exquisitely laid table, complete with full place settings, trying to recover from our food comas before moving on to desert.

“Is this Royal Doulton 1815?” Porsha asks, holding her dinner plate up so she can see the bottom. She gasps, reverent awe in her eyes, “Oh my God it is,” she sighs, dreamily and strokes the bottom of the plate.

“Yes, it was a wedding gift.”

“I can’t believe I ate on it. This is discontinued.”

“Oh is your Sugar Daddy a collector of fine crockery?” Jack asks, swirling the amber liquid in the small glass. He’s been nursing the same drink all night. I don’t think he’s taken a sip.

He and Porsha have been at each other’s throats all night. But rather than it being uncomfortable, it’s been interesting.

It’s also a welcome distraction from the growing tension and distance between Carter and me. He’s barely said a word to me and we haven’t made eye contact all night.

“Let’s move to the living room, I can’t sit up anymore and I want to finish hearing about the award you got Beth,” Penn say, standing.

We all follow her lead.

“It’s the first award I’ve ever been given,” I say.

“You should have seen Beth’s speech, Mom. It was goosebumps city when she pulled that wig off. It was a triumph.” Nadia’s effusive praise makes me flush.

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