Page 40 of Between Now and Always

Destiny Manifest

BETH

“Joe, I think I’ve made a mistake.” I grip his hand, and he squeezes mine back.

“The only mistake you’ve made is hiding for so long, angel. You’re going to be great.”

“It’s not that… I mean, no one’s going to see this little ceremony. It’s just I’ve never spoken to a large crowd. And I don’t know…what if they don’t understand?”

“They’ll understand. They understood enough to invite you. You’ve been racing your destiny for a long time. It’s time you stopped and let it catch you. This is your moment. I would have given anything to know I’d impacted someone’s life enough to change things for the better.”

His words hit me with a jolt of surprise. How remarkable it is that he can’t see how extraordinary he is.

My butterflies fall away and I smile at him, resolved again, just as I was the day the invitation came.

“You’re right. I’m going to do it. I was just scared,” I smile sheepishly.

“Well, thank God for that. The only people who don’t get scared about stuff like this are the psychopaths. So at least you know you’re not one of those,” he says with a twinkle in his eye.

I blow out a breath, squeeze his hands one last time and then head backstage to get mic’d up.

I smile at the young woman who’s been standing patiently waiting for me to get over my nerves.

The dark blue organza dress gown hugs my upper body and cascades down my body is waves of gold embroidered fabric that swirls around my ankles, leaving just the toes of the strappy high heeled gold sandals exposed.

It’s the most beautiful and the most daring thing I’ve ever worn. Instead of feeling self-conscious in the sleeveless dress with its plunging neckline, I feel beautiful.

I picked it because I loved it, but it’s nice to see heads turn as I walk through the tables. Just before I slip back stage, the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I turn to scan the room.

“This way, Beth,” the young woman who’s escorting me says excitedly. I turn to follow her.

“It’s okay that I call you that, right? It’s just that…. None of us know your real name. But we’re all so happy you’re here. You have no idea how inspired we all are. Well, I mean, I’m sure you do, since you have all those new followers and you won the award and everything. I’m so happy to meet you. Your paintings are incredible, but the message behind them is revolutionary. Oh my God, I’m rambling. I should shut up.” Her pretty face is pinched with worry and she looks at me wide eyed and waits for me to speak.

It takes me a minute because the admiration that’s shining in her eyes is mind boggling. This whole thing has been. But her excitement is contagious and I smile at her.

“My nameisBeth and thank you for saying all of that. I’m excited to be here.” I wish I was better at speaking off the cuff. I wrote and memorized my speech for tonight to make sure I didn’t forget anything.

“Let’s get you backstage. They’re going to mic you up, and then you’ll hear the introduction and the award presentation and I’ll escort you onto the stage. You can make as long or as short of a speech as you want. We’re all here for you.”

Half an hour later, I’m taking deep breaths, trying to find my focus as I wait for the presentation to start.

“This evenings recipient is one of the most exciting we’ve had since Upward started having this event. Ladies and gentleman, if you’ve had a chance to view the artwork in the brochure, then you know that we’re in the presence of greatness. And not just because she’s got such a unique and outstanding talent. But because of the way she’s chosen to use it. She’s the youngest recipient of this award, but one of the most outstanding. She’s started a movement - one that’s asked us to look at ourselves and see the good. One that encourages us to celebrate the true beauty in each other. She’s been a shining example to the young women from all over the world who follow her.”

I stop paying attention and scan the crowd. I see my girls, the students I teach at the YMCA, sitting at the table Upward gave me so I could invite people to come and support me. I invited them because they care, but also as an apology. They had no idea that IG account was mine.

After Upward’s write-up about me and the announcement of my having won the award, I knew that if I was going to accept it in person, I had to tell them first.

They were amazed and a few of them were hurt that I hadn’t told them, because all of them follow the account.

My followers and requests ballooned over night. I couldn’t keep up with the requests. And it killed me to read their stories and only be able to respond with a few lines of an apology by email. Porsha suggested a Facebook group. So we started one and had three thousand members by the end of the first week. They share with me, and each other. A few them have made their own “mirrors” and they share those, too.

There are these women, all over the world who feel inadequate when they compare themselves to the images that the world says are what they’re supposed to look like.

I try to give them a place where they don’t hear “work harder, eat less, smile more” in answer to their cries for help.

I’m not Oprah or anything, but I’ve got this community online now. And what started as a way to express myself and give something back in return - has turned into a movement.

“With no further ado, I give you the artist we all know as The Free Beth.”

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