Page 22 of Between Now and Always

It’s one of the signature suites at this hotel and it’s got a spectacular view of LA. But, it’s still just a hotel room and it feels sterile. I’m really ready to get back to New York and start this tour.

Especially now that I’ve got this new problem waiting for me in my hotel room.

“Earth to Carter,” Jack snaps a finger in my face and I blink.

“Sorry, if I’m keeping you from more important things.” he says dryly.

“No, man. I’m just thinking. This is a lot.”

“Yeah, I’m sure for Beth, too. Phil said she’s been gone on her own for three months. I hope she’s got some support and isn’t walking around as fucked up as you are,” he says.

Embarrassment heats my neck and face with the uncontrollable blush I’ve always lamented.

Until now.

After watching Liz wearing a mask just to survive in her own home, I’mgratefulthat I’ve always had a safe place to be vulnerable.

My brother didn’t drive to LA to kick my ass.

He drove to LA because he loves me.

Beth doesn’t have that. She was alone in that nest of vipers. She saved herself. I should have at least been there, fighting by her side.

In the space of seconds, my stomach feels like it broken free of what holds it in place in body and my heart is pounding.

I think I’m going to be sick.

She’s been on her own for months. I wonder if she feels alone. She doesn’t know that I’d still move mountains for her. Whatever we can’t be to each other, I can at least be her fucking friend.My heart lurches into my throat.

“Jack, I need to find her,” I say suddenly, sitting up straight.

“Dude, I don’t think that’s a good idea, right now.” He says, and his eyes grow wary.

“Why not?” I ask, my hackles rising at the recrimination his is voice.

“Because you were fucking her and she’s your sister. You haven’t dated anyone since her, right?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” I narrow my eyes at him and watch him intently, as he starts to squirm.

He rubs the back of his neck and looks away, this time not in anger, but to the discomfort in his eyes.

“See,thisis why I didn’t tell you. Not because I don’t trust you, but because I knew you’d makethatfucking face. Like there was something wrong with the way I feel about her.”

His rears back like I slapped him. His discomfort is replaced by incredulity.

Just like that, the small peace we’d started building, cracks.

“Thereissomething wrong with it, Carter. But I don’t think it’s your fault and I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I know you care about her. But it’s illegal.” The recrimination is gone from his voice, but I find it preferable to the condescension that’s replaced it.

I sit up straight and look him in the eye.

“Not in New Jersey. Or Ohio.”

He leans away, blinking in surprise.“Carter, you can’tfuckyour sister,” he says in a grave, scandalized voice.

I ignore his crass characterization. “I went to Texas thinking I wanted answers about my past. But what I was really looking for was reassurance. I wanted to find somethinggoodin my bloodlines. The only good I found was Beth. She was raised by him. I wasn’t. And yet, neither one of us are like him. I know DNA means nothing, except for the physical connection. And if I’m being completely honest, there’s a part of me that hopes…I don’t know… that she’ll change her mind. That she’ll decide she doesn’t care. Because I don’t. Jack. If she’d have me, I’d drop everything to be with her.”

His expression grows pained and he runs a hand over his suddenly pale face before he assesses with stark sorrow in his eyes.

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